The Past=The Devil.....smh
The past few days have been great for us, i feel like she and I have made so much progress, but as usual, the devil tried us today!!!
I have been listening to the comments, concerns and complaints that she has had about me and have been actively been working on improving myself and my actions, but there is always something.
1. She stated previously that its hard for her to get motivated to get out of bed and TCB when i am still in it and asleep so....today i got up at around 9:30am and got out of bed to handle business. I managed to get 90% of my to do list for the day done and the other 10% was only because i am waiting on my doctor to handle things on their end. She stayed home from work for a few hours and i was hoping we would get a chance to hang out but yeah....not quite...it was cold today and she wasn't feeling well so she stayed in bed until it was time for her to leave for work :(
2. I have a tattoo client scheduled for today that she is not all that fond of. This client attempted to befriend me in the past and her advances may have been taken the wrong way. At the time my relationship was going through the storm and we had a lot of trust issues so my partner developed some negative feelings about this person. There was never anything going on between this client and I nor was there ever any opportunity but i backed away from her to prevent any issues at home, even ignored some of her requests for tattoos because i didn't want any drama. but we have come to pint that we NEED the money and she hit me up about a larger piece that would bring in enough to really help us out. I have tried to be open and involve my partner in every aspect of this from scheduling to making sure she is present during the tattoo but her negative feelings keep showing up and it is clearly a sour spot for her.
3. Today while trying to TCB i was looking for some paperwork that i left in the care of my partner wile i went out of town. She told me to look through a stack of her papers. While looking through that stack i came across an envelope from someone that i feel she shouldn't have been getting mail from in the first place. I have VERY strong negative feelings about this person and the nature of their "relationship" so as soon as i saw the name rage, anger, disappointment, betrayal, sadness and a bunch of other feelings welled up inside me and i had to just walk away. I told her she was going to have to look for the paperwork for me because i wasn't touching that stack of papers again...sure enough the damn devil showed my ass who was boss...smh i came into the room a little while later looking for my own stack of papers and knocked hers down...part of me wanted to be an ass and just leave the on the floor but the mature, grown up in me said suck that shit up and get over it...soooo i picked the papers up. while picking them up i noticed the envelope was gone...wasnt sure how i felt bout that, i also noticed the stack of papers was fairly recent, as in past few months after i had already made it clear how i felt about this person and their "letters" so i wasnt sure how i felt about that either....Now the icing on the cake is that a check that we had been looking for since the beginning of the month was mixed in with that pile of papers sooooooo in my mind in order for something new to be mixed in that stu had to have been placed there recently...why is ANYTHING with this person's name even in my house???
I have been holding it in all day trying not to let it bother me and trying not to cause any unnecessary drama but the same trust issues we were battling in the past have popped up again on both sides and i feel like all the progress we have made is at risk of being in vain. Idk what to do, i honestly want to just cancel this client to avoid the drama but then we have the issue of money that would come into play if i dont do it. we are already struggling because me being pregnant brings us to a single income household.
IDK what to do or how to feel. I want to believe that she disposed of whatever it ws but PAST experiences have proven otherwise. Smh i want to be able to move on and i know she does too but unfortunately as long as we are in the same environment and in the same situation and circumstances, its going to be hard to change other things.
I just had to get this out and i;m hoping she doesn't see it and things change between us, but PAST experiences have shown otherwise....guess that's it for now :/
I have been listening to the comments, concerns and complaints that she has had about me and have been actively been working on improving myself and my actions, but there is always something.
1. She stated previously that its hard for her to get motivated to get out of bed and TCB when i am still in it and asleep so....today i got up at around 9:30am and got out of bed to handle business. I managed to get 90% of my to do list for the day done and the other 10% was only because i am waiting on my doctor to handle things on their end. She stayed home from work for a few hours and i was hoping we would get a chance to hang out but yeah....not quite...it was cold today and she wasn't feeling well so she stayed in bed until it was time for her to leave for work :(
2. I have a tattoo client scheduled for today that she is not all that fond of. This client attempted to befriend me in the past and her advances may have been taken the wrong way. At the time my relationship was going through the storm and we had a lot of trust issues so my partner developed some negative feelings about this person. There was never anything going on between this client and I nor was there ever any opportunity but i backed away from her to prevent any issues at home, even ignored some of her requests for tattoos because i didn't want any drama. but we have come to pint that we NEED the money and she hit me up about a larger piece that would bring in enough to really help us out. I have tried to be open and involve my partner in every aspect of this from scheduling to making sure she is present during the tattoo but her negative feelings keep showing up and it is clearly a sour spot for her.
3. Today while trying to TCB i was looking for some paperwork that i left in the care of my partner wile i went out of town. She told me to look through a stack of her papers. While looking through that stack i came across an envelope from someone that i feel she shouldn't have been getting mail from in the first place. I have VERY strong negative feelings about this person and the nature of their "relationship" so as soon as i saw the name rage, anger, disappointment, betrayal, sadness and a bunch of other feelings welled up inside me and i had to just walk away. I told her she was going to have to look for the paperwork for me because i wasn't touching that stack of papers again...sure enough the damn devil showed my ass who was boss...smh i came into the room a little while later looking for my own stack of papers and knocked hers down...part of me wanted to be an ass and just leave the on the floor but the mature, grown up in me said suck that shit up and get over it...soooo i picked the papers up. while picking them up i noticed the envelope was gone...wasnt sure how i felt bout that, i also noticed the stack of papers was fairly recent, as in past few months after i had already made it clear how i felt about this person and their "letters" so i wasnt sure how i felt about that either....Now the icing on the cake is that a check that we had been looking for since the beginning of the month was mixed in with that pile of papers sooooooo in my mind in order for something new to be mixed in that stu had to have been placed there recently...why is ANYTHING with this person's name even in my house???
I have been holding it in all day trying not to let it bother me and trying not to cause any unnecessary drama but the same trust issues we were battling in the past have popped up again on both sides and i feel like all the progress we have made is at risk of being in vain. Idk what to do, i honestly want to just cancel this client to avoid the drama but then we have the issue of money that would come into play if i dont do it. we are already struggling because me being pregnant brings us to a single income household.
IDK what to do or how to feel. I want to believe that she disposed of whatever it ws but PAST experiences have proven otherwise. Smh i want to be able to move on and i know she does too but unfortunately as long as we are in the same environment and in the same situation and circumstances, its going to be hard to change other things.
I just had to get this out and i;m hoping she doesn't see it and things change between us, but PAST experiences have shown otherwise....guess that's it for now :/
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