the past few days

My grandpa passed away a few days ago. I was okay the first couple of days. It just didn't seem real I guess. Now, I don't know what to do anymore. It was really weird being in the house by myself. I would just keep myself busy cleaning all day until I was exhausted and then just pass out. My brother and his wife flew back from California to be here for the funeral and everything, so that has helped a lot having them here. The funeral was yesterday. We had the visitation and the funeral all at once. It was really overwhelming. I felt like I was having a panic attack halfway through the visitation. I guess when 200 people come through to talk to you, some you know, most you don't know, can be a little  overwhelming. I am an introvert anyways, so talking to that many people at once was exhausting. It was a really nice one though, the people from channel 16 recorded it and are gonna play it on wed. I have just been feeling weird lately. I have been really emotional, but I haven't cried that much. I cried more right before he died. I have just been feeling really emotionally drained, when I start to feel too emotional I just take a nap. My dad said that isn't a good way to deal with things, but it is what works right now. Dad donated a lot of their stuff to haven or rest. He donated their bed, so my brother and his wife are sleeping in my room and I am staying in papa's old room on a little twin bed. I thought that it would creep me out to use his bathroom and sleep in the bedroom he slept in, but its hasn't been weird at all. I even cleaned out the big garden tub in the bathroom last night and took a bath. Dad keeps telling me that I should just cry it out and get it over with, but its not that simple. Its not like breaking up with a boyfriend. Yes, I do have a tenancy to bury my emotions and deal with them later. But, everyone deals with things differently. I think that I deal with death over time. I still haven't really processed my grandmothers death. But, I know my grandpa will be harder to deal with because we were so close. And my grandma wasn't herself for the past 5 years. I was really upset because my grandpa was the only person that really knew what I went through to take care of my grandmother. Sometimes I feel like what I went through doesn't compare to most of the people that are on here that have been a caregiver to their spouses for 10 or 20+ years. Well, I am exhausted. I am going to bed.