The Paradox

 
As I've written about before, I've been working on emotionally detaching from the toxic people in my life...or at least from their behaviors. I've gained clarity on what is "mine" and what is "theirs", which has helped in establishing the boundaries I ought to have and understanding what I have control over & what I don't. All good stuff!
 
Here is my conundrum: With an adult (whether or not they are related to you), it is simple to say that you have no control over them, because they are responsible for controlling themselves & dealing with their own problems. With a child, however (especially an older minor child), you really don't have control over them; influence, to an extent, but not control (the old "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink" thing). Yet legally & morally you ARE responsible for them.
 
This morning (among other times, but this morning in particular) my son was being a mean, nasty jerk to me in the car on the way to school. I've tried the "pulling over till you calm down" route before & that just ended up in EXTREME ramping up of his rage (not good when you're trying to drive a car). Meanwhile, I am responsible to get him to school. And I am responsible for teaching him that such behavior is unacceptable (whether or not he accepts that teaching) and that being late for school is not acceptable. But all I get from him is an argument.
 
What the heck am I supposed to do? If he were an adult, say, going to community college, I would simply refuse to drive him anymore--he could get there on his own; it would be his problem. Or if he were a boarder in my house, I would evict him. But he's not an adult--he is my minor child. How do I fulfill my moral & legal obligations as his parent, yet still protect myself physically & emotionally from his rages?
 
This may be a good question for Leslie Vernick to address in her blog.