The past
I was only around 9 years old when i learned about HIV and aids at school, and i can remember since that day i always thought i would get it, every day it was in my mind am i or am i not , I thought i had it at that age before even having sex,
Into my teens i become sexually active, and was sure that i must have had HIV.
to scared to know the truth, i used to play little games with my mind what convinced me that i was not hiv positive. these games were so silly for instance if i could walk 4 miles i was neg, and for a few hours i believed myself.
as time went on, i got rashes and thought the hiv was getting worse, when it was just normal teen growing.
in my twenties, i remember going to the doctor and she was the first person to say have you been tested for std s , i changed my doctor the same day and thought how dare she say this to me.
in my late twenties i used to go to an std clinic out of town, but refused the HIV test , just had all the other tests, which always come back fine.
into my thirties, i was seeing the doctor every other day as i felt so ill, and i was spending so much time on the internet trolling for reassurance that i was not HIV , but to scared and did not want to know my status,
in my late middle thirties i found out that one of my friends had HIV, and for a couple of years he always wanted to take me to get tested, i felt so ill and confused that i agreed to go the next morning with him,
I had my test and we had a walk in town for a hour, then went back and i remember the nurse saying " as you expected you have tested positive for the HIV virus" at that moment although i expected this i felt so faint and that my life was over , i had the best support of my friend and the nurse who become a good friend to me for a number of years , but for the next few weeks i can remember sitting in my car thinking the street lights were closing in on me , the world was coming to an end for me, my specialist said that i did not need to start meds at that point, but to go for regular checks to the clinic, as i felt so ill i started to take a health supplement Q10 600mg daily, and this made me feel great, 3 years later the specialist wanted to start me on atripla, and gave me the meds and let me decide when to start.
2 weeks after being given the meds, i crawled into bed thinking this is it, and took the first tablet, i had a ready break glow all over my body all night, it was a feeling i will never forget, it was so protective, and since that day i have been better, of course we all have our ups and downs in life, but i spent decades worrying about the unknown for no reason, and wasted part of my life thinking daily am i or am i not HIV, so what i am hiv, my life continues .
Into my teens i become sexually active, and was sure that i must have had HIV.
to scared to know the truth, i used to play little games with my mind what convinced me that i was not hiv positive. these games were so silly for instance if i could walk 4 miles i was neg, and for a few hours i believed myself.
as time went on, i got rashes and thought the hiv was getting worse, when it was just normal teen growing.
in my twenties, i remember going to the doctor and she was the first person to say have you been tested for std s , i changed my doctor the same day and thought how dare she say this to me.
in my late twenties i used to go to an std clinic out of town, but refused the HIV test , just had all the other tests, which always come back fine.
into my thirties, i was seeing the doctor every other day as i felt so ill, and i was spending so much time on the internet trolling for reassurance that i was not HIV , but to scared and did not want to know my status,
in my late middle thirties i found out that one of my friends had HIV, and for a couple of years he always wanted to take me to get tested, i felt so ill and confused that i agreed to go the next morning with him,
I had my test and we had a walk in town for a hour, then went back and i remember the nurse saying " as you expected you have tested positive for the HIV virus" at that moment although i expected this i felt so faint and that my life was over , i had the best support of my friend and the nurse who become a good friend to me for a number of years , but for the next few weeks i can remember sitting in my car thinking the street lights were closing in on me , the world was coming to an end for me, my specialist said that i did not need to start meds at that point, but to go for regular checks to the clinic, as i felt so ill i started to take a health supplement Q10 600mg daily, and this made me feel great, 3 years later the specialist wanted to start me on atripla, and gave me the meds and let me decide when to start.
2 weeks after being given the meds, i crawled into bed thinking this is it, and took the first tablet, i had a ready break glow all over my body all night, it was a feeling i will never forget, it was so protective, and since that day i have been better, of course we all have our ups and downs in life, but i spent decades worrying about the unknown for no reason, and wasted part of my life thinking daily am i or am i not HIV, so what i am hiv, my life continues .
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