the other woman

So my exhusband's wife got under my skin. Yesterday we had a meeting at school for my living son (he is 9, has ADHD, developmental delay,and behavioral issues). She had her baby about a month ago and showed up to the meeting with him.  I half expected her to be there but not with the baby knowing what I had just been through. My fiance had to talk to my ex and his wife before the meeting started. She did end up staying outside of the room for the length of the meeting but made it a point to say that Quentin's (my son) needs need to come before my emotional issues. I was so anxious all I could say was I can't be around the baby and went into the classroom to sit down. About 7 hours later she texted me several lengthy texts. { Just so you know that stunt you pulled at Quentin's school was immature, tacky and uncalled for. U should be ashamed for putting all of Quentin's instructors and school leadership in the middle of a personal situation. I appreciate the fact that Josh stepped outside and talked to us like reasonable adults after you stormed off like a temper tantrum throwing child. and because of his approach for that reason I was considerate enough to take Ayden out of the room when he woke up. However you handle your personal problems is ur business and I don't knock u for it but in the future don't ever ask me to put your issues before Quentin's well being. (I wrote:  How dare you criticize me after what I've been through? You haven't been in my shoes and have no right to harp on me for my actions. I didn't mind you being there and expected you to be. But some consideration would have been nice. Either have a babysitter or opt out and receive the info at a later time. If you didn't know I lost my baby I could understand but you know that I did and I'm still grieving. I don't like being around pregnant women or babies. And I never intentionally put myself in a position where i'm around them for more than several minutes.) I am not ans will never shun or keep any of my children locked away somewhere because of what is going on in your house. Who is that fair to? Do u ask all the parents to take their kids out of the room when u go to Quentin's doctors appointments....no u don't. That would be inconsiderate right? So u don't ask such nonsense of me either. Ayden is less than 6 weeks old and u know childcare is not an option prior to 6 weeks. and the nerve of you to me about consideration. i have given you the utmost consideration since ur loss and u know. u of all people should know a mother doesn't want to be away from a newborn baby so don't u dare expect or ask me to be away from mine for your peace of mind. Josh is your man. He does and should go above and beyond to cater to ur emotional needs. (somewhere around here i told her i stay at home or in my car and the last time he had an appt in Jan I was taken to my room immediately. i isolate myself and dont go where i could be around babies or pregnant women for longer than a couple of minutes. you will never understand. you have your baby so shut the hell up....the message isnt showing on my phone but that is the jist)  I however am not and will not shun any of my kids including Quentin because of any adults emotional stability. and if you feel the need to avoid situations to deal with your loss then so be it. but it is unreasonable for the rest of the world to stop moving forward in life and avoid u. I am not saying u wrong for grieving but the way u handled the situation today was uncouth. We don't sit around thinking of how to upset u and it is not fair for u to put any of ur personal issues on us. We dont' do it to you so don't do it to us. I am not telling you how to grieve....that is you business. But dont impose your methods on us. if you need to disappear then do that. if you need to us avoidance....then u do that. but dont impose your methods on us. again this is not about you grieving...it is about you imposing unreasonable expectations on us. and i have been there when you needed to talk....when u couldn't be around Quentin and i took care of him so dont act like u have not been giving consideration but dont expect the impossible from us. And ur not about to guilt me about the joys in my life no matter what is going on in urs. Think about that before u judge me for my happiness. ( Exactly what I'd expect from you) and this is exactly what i expect from you. u were like this before ur loss so I dont know why i am surprised now. as always unreasonable and delusional. Nothing matters but what ur going through always. the world of course is here to cater and be controlled by u right...ok Pam. (Then I called my ex to try to reason with him, no answer) Not really sure what ur calling Duane for. This conversation is taking place between you and me. He is sleep. Some of us don't have the luxury of not working so I am not disturbing him over some nonsense. If you have a problem with what i am saying then u approach me. (I wrote: I want to thank you for what you did today by taking him out of that room. But I'm done talking about this because we will not come to an agreement.) Ur welcome. I had no intentions on holding him and feeding him during that meeting. If you would have talked to us prior to making a scen this would have been understood prior to the start of the meeting. I will never purposefully use Ayden or anything to upset u or make u think of ur angel that is no longer with us. Please understand that. Maybe you will look back on these text messages and see where I'm coming from. I will definitely do some reflecting and if i feel i have wronged u then I am more than willing to apologize. but for now we will just have to agree to disagree. good night and i hope today was not too upsetting given ur circumstances.....the thing is my ex cheated on me with her during our whole marriage and blamed it on me because i accused him. he said he only did it because i kept saying it. but him staying the night at her house, her calling me from his cell to testify that he was sleeping in her bed, texts stating i hope your not fertile because i forgot my pill, all signify cheating. she is a chaplain assistant in the military so that really bothers me. especially since they were obviously messing around and neither of their supervision did anything. she threatened me and tried pushing me down a set of stairs when i went to confront my ex who was my husband at the time and i was holding my sons hand he was 5. and so many other things. and now this. some people will never change but she seems so heartless and really has no empathy. what she does do i believe is for her own gain, so that she will look good in other's eyes, but she doesn't really want to do this. I think this all stemmed from the fact she was upset about not getting to participate. she has always competed against me. hence why she became pregnant 4 months after i did and all she heard from my son was how his mommy was having a baby. I know life goes on and we of all people know life isn't a bed of roses but I'm not asking her to be away from her son. but just to not bring him around me. especially if it's to be an extended amount of time. i am not going to intentionally put myself in a position where i am around babies or pregnant women. and i have my headphones and music if i am out and babies start crying. but i have wrote enough so I will stop.