the other shoe to drop 2

I know this sounds so ungrateful, but... Everything is going so well and I cannot get these thoughts out of my mind, I dont want to trust it because I do not have a lot of trust that what I rebuild, I will get to keep. Staying safe and not putting too much hope into it seems safer. Its a turning point, I will not be happy if I do not take risks and make my life fun, exciting and the life that I want to live, however that takes risk. In fact , a lot of risk.I  F...ing want my life back, I want my confidence back. The confidence that the depression stripped from me. So here I am getting it all , but so scared to trust it. I might have to give it back and I do not feel like I have the strength for another depression and another recovery.It may never come back again, itwas not a part of my life for so many years that I thought it was gone, just dormant. It may lay dormant the rest of my life . I know there were many gifts behind it (dealing with my monsters from the past)   I would appreciate any constructive thought on this (my ungratefulness for getting better) Actually for regaining trust. I was sitting at home with these thoughts and I did not know where to go with them. I do not think most would understand it. Just get over it right? Well that is not enough.  Now that it is off my chest , I am going to go enjoy the da that God gave us.