The other girl

I was the other girl. I never thought that would be me, but I ended up in a situation that lead to it. I have so much guilt; I cant seem to find inner peace. I feel mad at the world for the way things ended up. I blame myself even though I know its not my fault. I truly believe he cares but he felt like he had an obligation to his kids to marry their mother even if it meant being miserable; even if it meant losing me. And that's why I blame myself. Wouldn't it be true that if I had been good enough that he would have left her. He constantly was telling me how much I meant to him but in the end he still left. I gave everything I had and it still wasn't enough. I'm hurt and mad. I have no self respect or self esteem left. And I'm mad at him for letting me be the other girl. Wouldn't I mean more to him than that? I was good enough to cheat with but to actually leave her for; nope not happening. But yet I know he still thinks of me.. I know that when she was walking down the aisle he was thinking of me but it would never be enough to change things. I am only good enough to be the side show. And here I am writing this crying and I know if he was here he would be telling me how stupid I am for even saying this. But how can you believe you actually mean something to someone when they do nothing to show it?