the other F%$##@ word..... FAT!

MAN- I just downed a pizza, a large block of chocolate, half a bavarian. I feel sick and I feel disappointed and I feel FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT. I have this massive stomach that I want so badly to get rid of and here I am watching tv series and one of the main character's the boyfriend had on the back of his door when I started dating him. WELL... that rubs in the ungliness factor versus the gorgeous THIN Movie star that looks nothing like me. ANYWAY. I want to stop eating, I want to find another release but i've no idea what that might be. I can't masturbate BAH! I don't want to - and I can't hang out with friends because really they aren't very caring whatsoever...  I'm thinking I might try and do a real make-over of myself. I'm going to let my hair grow into a bob and I'm going to get real skinny and then keep myself nice and tan... like this character for instance.I feel like if I was skinny that'd fix things and people would dhelp me to feel better as they would treat me differently.  I'm hating myself - my body- at the moment. I just want to be skinny and to the point where I just need to alter something real big time rather than staving off the next time i'm going to hit a binge.