The opposite of fear is faith
Thank you Codalife. The opposite of fear is faith. I will tell myself this over & over.
He is still behaving. I'm so uncomfortable with this. I'm so on alert for the blowup. I'm mentally at a point that he doesn't have a chance to make this work. I feel I need the blowup to go..Damn just get drunk & abusive again. I realize this is sick thinking. Hurt me one more time , so I can have my excuse to go. Don't know how to change that.why am I thinking that way? Because I don't want the blame I guess. I want him to feel his responsibility for the end of our relationship I want it to be his fault. Yep, sick thinking. Or maybe then I'm thinking it would be kinder. I could say I love you but just can't live like this . maybe he could understand that.
I'm imagining his blowup. The ugly things he will say I will turn them into bricks for my wall
The opposite of fear is faith.
Faith that I can get through this one more time.
Faith in God, family, friends & myself
He is still behaving. I'm so uncomfortable with this. I'm so on alert for the blowup. I'm mentally at a point that he doesn't have a chance to make this work. I feel I need the blowup to go..Damn just get drunk & abusive again. I realize this is sick thinking. Hurt me one more time , so I can have my excuse to go. Don't know how to change that.why am I thinking that way? Because I don't want the blame I guess. I want him to feel his responsibility for the end of our relationship I want it to be his fault. Yep, sick thinking. Or maybe then I'm thinking it would be kinder. I could say I love you but just can't live like this . maybe he could understand that.
I'm imagining his blowup. The ugly things he will say I will turn them into bricks for my wall
The opposite of fear is faith.
Faith that I can get through this one more time.
Faith in God, family, friends & myself
Replies
I\'m no expert on this... but just from what I\'ve been reading on these boards this past year, what you\'ve described sounds very much like post-traumatic stress. Or I guess in this case, post- AND pre-traumatic stress. Living in terror is no way to live. Can you do something for YOU about this? It\'s good that you\'re coming here, but what about also seeking help from someone closer at hand, a professional maybe -- someone qualified who knows what this is about and can advise you on how best to cope?
Or even (I\'m just throwing this out there) something physical, like taking boxing or martial arts classes? Not because it sounds like you need to defend yourself physically. It\'s just that making yourself feel stronger physically can do wonders for your self-esteem (plus blow off a lot of anxiety -- stress creates a hormonal reaction that exercise can alleviate). Sometimes where the body goes, the mind follows. Sending hugs.
Tokyo - thank you. I think I am PTSD. I\'m doing okay so far today. And I keep thinking it\'s all good. If he\'s nice, that\'s good. If he\'s an asshole, that\'s good too, because I have my reason to leave.