The nightmare
I am losing my shit here, like totally losing my shit. She she cant just waltz back into my life and then pick up and leave. she she mails whenever she wants texts whenever shes in the mood for it and the rest of the time nothing cold cold cold shoulder. Why the fuck does everyone have a life and I dont? I had the scarriest most horrible dream last night. I dreamt she was in a different city in a different job and she was with a guy and laughing and joking with co-workers and making fun of what a fucking idiot I was, it felt so real like a heroin flash back like a euphoric recall only more realistic and In it I panicked and I fought with everyone and said fuck this im going and I dropped my SATs and just made a beeline to where she was and she rejected me as always and I just went and got high looools. What the fuck is wrong with me man I am such a junkie, I swear everything ends with me getting high (im sober since jan 2012) but these thought patterns they just arnt changing god dammit. I dont understand why I am doing everything by the book but these thoughts just wont go away, my junkie mentality isnt changing. this isnt working man somethings wrong I cant keep doing this sobriety shit, not like my lifes going anywhere or anything good is gonna happen. what difference does it make me high or sober? non whatsoever er so why not just go get high?
Replies
Don\'t get high. It was only a nightmare! You are wonderful just the way you are. hugs, nikki
After awhile I\'m sure you won\'t consider that an option or a crutch....I suppose it takes time.
The psychological side of sobriety can be very hard and take a while to get over. The way to lose the idea of getting high when things are bad, is to start re-programming your brain, it doesn\'t just do it by itself. When you feel like getting high, talk yourself out of it, remind yourself of the positives of getting sober, and I\'m sure you can find a few. Don\'t give up and go back to the crutch, that\'s the easy way out. Take care.