THE NIGHT MY SON DIED
The Night 2 years ago...when I heard a noise I had never heard before....when I turned to look...
Laying in the hospital bed was my sweet sweet wonderful son Kenny....Since Dec 07, he had been fighting a blood cancer known as Multiple Myeloma....
I turned to look at his bed....at the place his head was laying on the pillow...There laid my son
DEAD....
I had head the words on tv but never had said them...I yelled>>>He's Coded...He's Coded..
There came running seemed like a thousand people...machine being brought in...our knees were shaking...our bodies weak from knowing....KEN WAS DEAD....
Only the three of us..Me..His mom....Woody..his 16 year old son...and Kim ...his wife..we saw it...we saw Ken die...
They pushed us out of the room...trying to get us in the waiting area...trying to get the machine's in...I saw one little nurse jump on top of my son...looking like her fist hitting his chest...blood pressure items being put on his arm...the little round while sticky things put all over the body...everyone who knew what they were doing was doing what was needed to try to bring him back...Bring him back to life to the breathing...back to US....S
Standing up against the wall...I could not move...I had to watch...I had to see my son...I had to know...I had to have the answer.....If they did not bring him back...I had to have the exact time..
Why? I do not know...Maybe as we need to know the exact time of their birth we must as their mother know if it had to be...WHAT TIME DID MY SON DIE>>>The doctor's, the nurses,,,everyone wanted me to go into the sitting room to wait...it would be easier they said for me...I asked "If I am up against the wall, am I in the way" They assured me "No"..so as frozen in time...I leaned on the concrete wall...only to look away from my son's room long enough to look at my watch...I HAD TO KNOW..HOW MUCH TIME HAD PASSED?????
One by one out came the nurses...empty looks on their faces...out came the machines...out came everyone from my sweet baby's room...and then out came the end of the hospital bed....but where was the sheet...as on TV was it pulled over his head NO..
I asked Where are you taking my son...my head dizzy with what was happening...my knees weak from feeling as if the next place I would be would be on the floor...I wanted to scream...I needed to hear...I knew the time...I had seen it on my watch...SO WHAT WERE THEY DOING? Looking upon their empty faces...the man in the white coat comes walking toward me...he asked who I was...I know in my mind...Here comes the final answer to what was happening...He reached out as he took my hands into his hands...and as he looked me in the eyes...mine full of tears...his just those cold eyes that tell you nothing but sometime tell you everything...
He the doctor ...the cold, stiff doctor...within the time it took for him to walk from my son's room door to me leaning on the cold wall that is holding me up...His face softens...as he begins to let me know...HE IS ALIVE...HE HAS SURVIVED...BUT HE MUST BE TAKEN TO SURGERY NOW!!!!! FOR NOW WE PRAY...FOR NOW MY SON IS ALIVE!!!
WE GIVE THANKS TO OUR GOD...FOR A WHILE THAT NIGHT MY SON DIED...AND NOW..BY THE GRACE OF GOD...HE WAS ALIVE!!!
JOY FILLED OUR HEARTS AS WE FELT...OUR PRAYER HAVE BEEN ANSWERED...
Laying in the hospital bed was my sweet sweet wonderful son Kenny....Since Dec 07, he had been fighting a blood cancer known as Multiple Myeloma....
I turned to look at his bed....at the place his head was laying on the pillow...There laid my son
DEAD....
I had head the words on tv but never had said them...I yelled>>>He's Coded...He's Coded..
There came running seemed like a thousand people...machine being brought in...our knees were shaking...our bodies weak from knowing....KEN WAS DEAD....
Only the three of us..Me..His mom....Woody..his 16 year old son...and Kim ...his wife..we saw it...we saw Ken die...
They pushed us out of the room...trying to get us in the waiting area...trying to get the machine's in...I saw one little nurse jump on top of my son...looking like her fist hitting his chest...blood pressure items being put on his arm...the little round while sticky things put all over the body...everyone who knew what they were doing was doing what was needed to try to bring him back...Bring him back to life to the breathing...back to US....S
Standing up against the wall...I could not move...I had to watch...I had to see my son...I had to know...I had to have the answer.....If they did not bring him back...I had to have the exact time..
Why? I do not know...Maybe as we need to know the exact time of their birth we must as their mother know if it had to be...WHAT TIME DID MY SON DIE>>>The doctor's, the nurses,,,everyone wanted me to go into the sitting room to wait...it would be easier they said for me...I asked "If I am up against the wall, am I in the way" They assured me "No"..so as frozen in time...I leaned on the concrete wall...only to look away from my son's room long enough to look at my watch...I HAD TO KNOW..HOW MUCH TIME HAD PASSED?????
One by one out came the nurses...empty looks on their faces...out came the machines...out came everyone from my sweet baby's room...and then out came the end of the hospital bed....but where was the sheet...as on TV was it pulled over his head NO..
I asked Where are you taking my son...my head dizzy with what was happening...my knees weak from feeling as if the next place I would be would be on the floor...I wanted to scream...I needed to hear...I knew the time...I had seen it on my watch...SO WHAT WERE THEY DOING? Looking upon their empty faces...the man in the white coat comes walking toward me...he asked who I was...I know in my mind...Here comes the final answer to what was happening...He reached out as he took my hands into his hands...and as he looked me in the eyes...mine full of tears...his just those cold eyes that tell you nothing but sometime tell you everything...
He the doctor ...the cold, stiff doctor...within the time it took for him to walk from my son's room door to me leaning on the cold wall that is holding me up...His face softens...as he begins to let me know...HE IS ALIVE...HE HAS SURVIVED...BUT HE MUST BE TAKEN TO SURGERY NOW!!!!! FOR NOW WE PRAY...FOR NOW MY SON IS ALIVE!!!
WE GIVE THANKS TO OUR GOD...FOR A WHILE THAT NIGHT MY SON DIED...AND NOW..BY THE GRACE OF GOD...HE WAS ALIVE!!!
JOY FILLED OUR HEARTS AS WE FELT...OUR PRAYER HAVE BEEN ANSWERED...
Replies
Riveting as you remember the night that Ken coded....it reminds me the day my father died in front of me in ICU from a massive heart attack...never to be brought back. They worked on him a long time it seemed but to no avail. I was the only one with him...it was the first time I had been in a room where someone had coded....it is exactly like you described. I am glad for your sake that you were given what little time was left to be with Ken. Just remember....he is more alive now than ever. Love and peaceful hearts...dale, brandon\'s mom
Hi Sandi: I can relate. I never saw Lisa code - that happened in the OR. But I insisted on staying in the room when they tested for life. It was not pleasant but I had to be there. I told the nurse that I was there when she was born and I needed to be there when she died - when the life support was taken off. I honestly don\'t know the time but the doctor told me that the time of death would be 1 something.
I have been involved with codes so I know what you saw. I am sure it was horrendous to watch. It is a lot different when it is not someone you love.
Love and hugs,
Marlene
Since Matt was brain dead there never was any kind of code. It slipped immediately in Organ Donor mode. They had to keep the blood flowing. They would put a vest on his that shook soooo hard but it was necessary to keep the lungs working and clear. We watched the surgeon who flew in from the East coast coming in with their coolers. These are the people to come to harvest the organs. It took a long time to match them but they got the job done. They could not take him off support until they had the recipients lined up and on the way to the hospital. The transplant surgeons were waiting back at their respective hospitals for the organ to arrive. I was told the first organ they would take would be the heart. I have never seen people work so hard to find recipients of Matthew\'s gifts. It haunts me.
Oh Mary..what a gift...but I can so understand your feelings..Love you, Sandi
I can\'t even imagine to begin to imagine what your experience was like. All I know is, my heart swelled with love for you as I read this....love and deep sorrow and emotions for which there are no words...
It made me have good cry reading this, made me go back to the day when Sarah finally left us. I completely understand when you say you didnt want to leave the room....you just want to stay with them no matter what. I remember the nurse saying to me again and again to come with her to the parents room...like you i asked her if i was in the way she said no, so i said please just let me stay here then. Sarah didnt come back this time, she had gone forever. Lots of love and hugs xx