The Next Step.

I am glad that September is here. My break time is over. My goal right now is finding a full time job. For the past 14 years, a lot of people who had entered my life had given me bad advice which had hindered me. I am now getting back on track. My 49th birthday is next month and will turn 50 next year. I am not worried about getting older. Age is nothing but a state of mind. I was very upset that I am currently not in my daughter's life. Things happen for a reason because if she was in my life right now, I wouldn't be a good father because my ex GirlFriend and I would be constantly arguing and putting our daughter in the crossfire of our feud and no parent should do that to their child or children. It should be between the Parents period.

My sister cannot understand because she is comparing what I went through with my own father. Her heart is in the right place, she doesn't understand that my ex has basically cut me off from being in my child's life and it's different. My sister is using what we endured as an example and that my daughter will be a Teenager soon who will be angry with their parents. I get what my sister is saying and not discounting her opinion. My ex will exploit her anger at me and use our daughter as a weapon to hurt me. My ex has even evaded the Family Court System on her whereabouts. 

For 14 years, I was grieving emotionally and fell apart. I stopped caring about my appearance, spent money like it's no tommorrow, and was very bitter that lead to a dark place. My friends also started leaving me to fend for myself. In retrospective, who needed them? They weren't good friends. I am coming out of it and recovering. I do hold on to hope that I will be in my daughter's life and be a father to her. My ex has also made sure I couldn't get certain jobs that requires having a Driver's License and denied obtaining a Passport because Family Court thought I would be a flight risk which isn't true. I am a Father and unlike most men, will not run from my responsiblity providing financially as a Father. Family Court is wrong about me and I will no longer allow them and my ex to label me as a Deadbeat Dad which I am not! 

My goal in my life is to take care of myself, find a fantastic job that I will be able to care for myself financially and care for my daughter. I do think about her and realize that my responsiblity is first and foremost caring for me. That isn't selfish at all. This is a birthday wish to myself. I am glad to begin getting in touch with myself ie listening to Music and thinking about what I should do with my life and interests, finding a fantastic Job and Career is my next goal. As for my daughter, she will return to my life when its time and cannot rush fate. Things will happen in its own time. My priority is for me to take care of me.