The New Year

With planning on changing my name and setting things up with a surgon for a consultation for bottom surgery and thinking about getting the breast implants taken care of . Things went to the pits oh things were going smoothly with working on getting those things done and including the name change. I manage to place everything on hold after I suffered a major accident that has caused me to be placed on Medical Leave. At this point in time I completely HATE MYSELF , i see everything i worked hard for the past almost 9 months go down the drain.

I guess you are trying to figure out what in the world i did well I thought it would be great to go rollerskating as i use to do it many years ago thinking i could still do it after all its like riding a bike as i thought but one thing i had to use thier skates and as i was putting them on my gut was telling me that there is something wrong with the skates meaning the boot part was not high enough to support the ankle more than ever the stoppers in my opion were not out far enough to hold myself stationary as i stood up down i went shattering my ankle in the process knowing that i need the emergency room ASAP due to the fact that my ankle went flat to the floor. i was in so much pain that they had to give me morphin to ease the pain so they could examine me. so the next day they had to reconstuct my ankle causing me to have 4 pins screws and yes putty to reconstructure it , which will leave me laid up for weeks passing 6.

All i can think about is what i have worked hard for and then loosing everything that i have achieved that sometimes i would break down and cry my eyes out. Some of my friends tell me that i am not and that if i follow protocall i will be ok at the end. I am a type of person that does follow protocall. So far i contacted everyone and told them about my delima except for my ex wife to be and kids because i know what they will be thinking he or she deserves what he did to us. but if i would have stayed i would have been either dead from high blood presure along with two hernias or last but not least when i found out that i had to much pressure behind my eyes i was going to go blind and i know that i would have been ignored cause i told her meaning my wife i am having difficulties seeing.

That was taken care of after i left her. 

I did manage to take care of my student loans and i have an excellent chance to have them on an earn monthly payment that could bring my payments down to zero dollars a month and after a certain amount of time it would be paid off . but thinking back i remember my wife saying something about this program when she had hers but never once tried to get mine in the same program. Why ??? i would love to ask her the same question why she did not do the things to help me out like clearing my background so i can land a better job, after all these years. she has not helped but caused us to suffer every day with me working minumin wage job year after year and when she opened up her own business she never tried to let people know that we where here nothing she would ask me about what to do to increase business for the store i would tell her advertise get a sign up to show where we are and what we sell. with the money she had she asked me a house or rent a store and of course i said a house but my opinions never counted.

Now my family hates for the things i have done by walking out for once  in my life i felt happy for myself for what i did and for the reasons why i did what i had to do. I will say it wasnt because of me wanting to be a female it was to get back my life and to defend myself from the goings on that was taking place around me.

For right now i am taking things day by day going through the pain of my injury in hope i will be standing taller than i have before as i would like to tell my kids i am still here and i never left them spiritually, its that someone is in your way to keep you away from me . I have forgiven that person for all she has done to me , i had to leave in order to better myself in life not that i have done anything wrong which was far from it. Im sorry that you are going through it but it needed to be done.

in the mean time I hope this year i will be changing my name to Danielle Nicole Nuscis cant wait for the day that i can write that down as my signature.

Danielle