The New Normal
Somewhere along this current trail of tears, Hubs ran across an essay about how the weeks after the death of a loved one are a quest for "The New Normal." The phrase has caught on like wildfire among our inner support circle.
The 5 day hiatus from academic stresses is already over. It is time to send Big Bro back to the first grade stress load. He is still quite angry over the death of his parents and the removal from the world he was born into. In today's elementary school politics, that makes him ***A Bully*** and the threats of prosecution are? ? ? Give me a word for ^it^, please. I donae believe he ready to face the torches and pitchforks of the non-bullies, but . . . Damned if we do. Damned if we don't.
Trusting that my own social anxieties, etc., are at hyper-vigilant levels, I am trusting in Hubby's superior academic conditioning to get us through the wake-up call which is arriving entirely too fast. Alas, for all his trophy conditioning, he isnae the easiest client on my morning wake-up rounds, either. At least the bachelors in the bachelor pad go to bed singing the same hit tune they grumble in the morning. This morning finds me impatient with the contrast between hubby's work-a-holic energy at bedtime and night owl lethargy drama in the morning.
Prayers on-going. Are we not worse yet?
Replies
Honestly, I dread the term “the new normal”, Arfie. It seems to me like some archaic and false utopian propaganda that tricks us into believing life was normal in the first place and we have to search for it. Normal isn’t a collective normal but individualistic. Just my opinion though. I prefer being abnormal to normal.
Does GKs grade school have an in-house counselor? Grade school is now a distant memory for me but I know middle and high schools have them. When my youngest started having issues (with her friend being bullied) two years ago, the school counselors became our allies in helping deal with issues not just in school but also in coordinating the support, empathy and understanding for my daughter when my PTSD started having unintentional effects on her ability to cope with stress.
This year my daughter’s social anxiety has reached an all time high, to the point she has regular anxiety attacks in class rooms. The school has been making arrangements for her to work in isolated areas during such attacks.
So perhaps if it’s available, a school counselor could help with Big Bro’s challenges and anger.
Knocking on wood that there isn’t “worse yet” on the horizon for you & your family, Arfie. Let “god lead the dance” and take it one day at a time. Whether it’s finding the “new normal” or just establishing stability, hubs & you both seem to have the insight and empathy, the combined tools to manage the changes together.
Prayers, hugs, support & love my friend.
There is nothing normal about loosing someone you love. I really really hate 'new normal' it's fucking bullshit in my world.
School psy if one is available, I hope will give some intervention for all concerned, You know John's story, kicked out at the end of 2nd grade. However your Gs is not dealing with autism, he's dealing with grief...Huge Difference. Lawsuits?? wtf?? Bulling Teachers, hurtful words, kids with memories, still haunt me where ds is concerned.
Prayers continuing for yours and All Highest Good
The term is new to me, my sophisticated women. Hope you can forgive me for haven taken comfort in it for a short while. Is it good news that I have lost that fleeting moment of inappropriate comfort? Guess I need to upgrade my social media feed, huh?
Prayers appreciated.
Big hug for you Arf….. I hope that a school councillor can help the children through this difficult transition …. If the term makes sense to you and helps you to describe this time you're going through then it's 'the new normal'
It really is …. I didn't use that term however pre and post grief are such different times it's unimaginable
Just a thought a parent I know of ended up getting a small boy who was incredibly angry into Boxing and it really took off for him... It turned a lot around.... I guess that angry energy was released into something positive and he was good at it..... Another hug and you all remain in my prayers sweetie......xo
Sorry Arfie...the phrase, a catch phrase online commercial for masticate breast cancer....'my new normal'....My Dear Laura and current Laura's past and current condition. In my own world of grief and loss, well I just don't know except each day, slim pickings the breathing tears don't erupt, in your words "Are we not worse yet?" day.
Like ripples across the water with a breeze....I just keep shifting my sails and hope for ???? to come.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLosmeGY7To
Prayers continue for all.
My 35 year old son has died. I have inherited 3 orphans who were beloved grandchildren a few short weeks ago. The process is underway for me to become their adoptive mother, despite how badly I fucked up the first two. I will be 78 when the youngest becomes a teenager. My current 65 is older than I ever wanted to be.
The only normal I have EVER believed in is, "Normal For Me." Calling someone else, "Normal" is only proving I donae know them very well, nor do I care to. I believe that it is more than a feeling that normal for me has been blown out of the water. For Hubs and the three orphans, too.
Ever so sorry for the loss of your Dear Laura. Further sorrow that our comfort is your trigger. Don't believe I'll correct Hubs or the kids on your behalf though. All five of us feel so-o-o-o lost, even without the tragedy of masticate breast cancer.
Dear Friend, I couldn't even begin to understand the shoes you walk in, before, now or later....
Thank you....I live with triggers every day....mf's...usually it's me pulling the hammer back in the mine field of my own head.
Arfie, your ability to get up and Dance is Beyond Words!!....in my own mf crazy ?normal? life.....
In your memory of past.....life lessons are Huge to re-write history....in the now.
Poo Bear Wisdom, You are braver and stronger than you think
If the new normal brings you comfort Arfie the let it do so. There are no judges here. We all have our own sayings that bring us hope and comfort.
You’re going through an extreme change to your entire world. Your husband is, your GKs are. Do what you need to do, find the comfort that works for you and them, and try to find solace and comfort in the future in face of grief and loss as it suits you and your family.
Hugs and love and prayer my dearest friend.
Prayers ongoing always, arfie.