the new girlfriend
So I've now found out he has a girlfriend. I've been told that she has recently put on weight making the neighbors also suspect she is pregnant. I've a whole bunch of emotions surrounding this news. First is: Man he sure did replace me fast and we're still married. Second: He will probably be molesting her children too. Third: Why has he been able to move on in life and I'm still struggling not to kill myself or cut my self up in to bloody pieces? I knew life was not fair, but this is rediculous. Why am I living with my children the way we do, he has our beautiful house with our beautiful things that I bought and worked for, he has a life, a girlfriend, he's happy and moved on and I'm in a swirling vat a shit where every waking moment are thoughts full of him and what he did.? I can't seem to get past this. I can't seem to get over what he's done and I'm living this pretend life for my kids while inside I'm dead and suffering like never before. In my sleep I'm grinding my teeth so that now I have to go to a dentist and fix a bunch of cracked teeth and I'm taking handfuls of pain relievers like they are candy because the pain in my jaw, mouth and teeth are killing me. I want to drive away somewhere and just die. I want this pain to end. I want this to be over and I never again want to think of any of it but I can't. I'm still here. I'm still suffering. I lie daily about being okay and I'm not. I think my days of fighting the self injury are over.
Replies
You are an incradible person. I am honored to let you know how happy I am to be your friend.
I\'m sorry this is all taking place, that you ahve to deal with so many awful things, and that it seems like there is no light at the end of a tunnel.
You have made it so far. I know and believe you can make it further. It takes a lot of strenght, but I can see and tell that you have some of that left. you have children that love you more than anything, and you have God, who is watching over you. I know sometime it doesn\'t feel like He\'s even there, like He even exists. That\'s where our own trust comes in. Are we going to allow our selves be glind, or are we going to open our eyes and look up to the sky and say to God: \"You put me here, now You take care of me because I\'m Your child\".
Hang on to that.
hugs
I am so glad that I did not read this entry first... I would have been beyond myself trying to find the right things to say to help you... I do not have to ask what kind of mother you are because of the things that you left behind to heal one of your own... That is a very commendable action on your part...
I am so thankful that you put your children first and pretended like it didn\'t happen, as it did in my family... Pretend it didn\'t happen, here\'s some drugs... here\'s some booze, I\'m running to the store, by time I get back, you will feel better... It didn\'t work... 5 druggie/alcoholic adults out of 5 children... That is sad... and the momma wouldn\'t leave him because they didn\'t have anyplace to go... they wouldn\'t have no money to live... daddy would be lonely... This one makes me so angry at her... Screw the daddy... that\'s what he\'s doing to your girls... HELLO??? She never did do anything, but now she wishes she had because 4 of her kids are parents now. 1 got an infection from her dad & can now, not have children... Out of the 4 that have kids, only one is actually raising his child... OCS has already stepped in and taken the other 3 kids children away from them...
This was the best decission they could have made...
I\'m sorry, I\'m rambling on and on about what could have happened had you stayed, but the thing is... You had the courage to walk out... to protect your daughter... Horrray for you, mommaduck... HORRRAY FOR YOU!