The Never Ending Run-Around
Hello all ,yes once again its been awhile since my last entry,for some reason ,something is pulling me back to DS as i have been on for a few days now,posting various replies,I feel like I am stuck and yes i probably have said this before,and probably will again,just bare with me is all i can ask of anyone who may be reading this......It started (well lets be honest never really stopped) but has become more intense i should say ,since my one and only niece(my goddaughter) started making the plans for her wedding this may 14th,I am in a quandry sorta speak,because i dont feel comfortable about this upcoming marriage,and i wonder is it because of my own marriage that seems to be crumbling more each day,that i dont want her to experience the same pitfalls should they arise??,my sister refuses yes REFUSES to hear anything bad or negative concerning the wedding,so once again i keep my mouth shut,my sister has gone into complete overdrive when it comes to this wedding of her daughter,because my sister has always loved to be the center of attention especially when a party is involved,my mom and i both think that she will collapse come may 15th(my sister- not my niece)No matter what i do or say it always falls back to the wedding,hence i havent talked much to my sister this last month or so,because she really is starting to piss me off,its a wedding i keep telling her its 1 day,now if you focus more on the actual marriage of the 2 of them it may be better...I dont know maybe they will be happily married for the next 50 yrs or so,and maybe its just my cynicism towards marriage in general,but the feeling in my stomach is telling me different,the last thing i want is to see my goddaughter hurt in anyway what so ever...I am usually happy and excited about weddings ,so why cant i be happy and excited for my niece,is it becuz my own marriage is failing? Is it becuz my sister is making such a huge production out of the wedding,it makes me ill???AM I becoming to cynical to enjoy my nieces happiness???all these ???s and more go racing thru my head everyday,not to mention the fact i ask myself what kind of attitude will my husband and boss at work have today?? Pretty much I am getting tired of adjusting to how everyone thinks i should be..........there will come a day tho i fear closer than even i know,that i just speak my mind to everyone how i feel about them and let the chips lay where they fall,I am pretty much tired of haveing everyone elses back with nobody having mine........
Replies
I can understand the whirlwind of feelings you are havng about this upcoming wedding. How old is your niece? Are you close to her? Do you believe that she\'s mature enough to make this commitment? If so, then I would just take her aside and have a heart to heart talk with her.
Now, as to your sister, I have seen many Mothers of the Bride go absolutely apeshit about the production of the wedding with little or no regard for what their own daughter might want. It\'s really sick and sad, but the reality of the situation is that you can\'t do anything about it. I\'m wondering...did your sister have a big wedding? If not she may just be trying to relive what she wanted and didn\'t get.
You definitely sound like you are under a lot of duress, and with good reason. I\'m glad you shared these feelings with us and hopefully, our comments will bring you some peace of mind.
I agree with Kathyi, Take your neice aside and offer to have a heart to heart talk with her. If she refuses, then let it go.
Nobody could have told me.
I met my ex at work and there was a much older man who would nodd his finger at me and say, \"you stay away from him, he\'s no good for you.\"
I didn\'t listen because what did he know! He didn\'t know this guy like I did. I should have listened to him.
My brother\'s friend and 4 other guys told this guy (R) NOT to marry this girl, that she is crazy. The guys warned (R) over and over. I told my brother to stay out of it and just support him. He needed to see for himself what he was getting into and anyway in the end you would be labeled as Jealous. Just support him like a good friend. Besides how can one turn somebodies heart around. Well, several years later, and 1 daughter, (R) has now figured out she\'s crazy and shouldn\'t have married her.
I know and you know that you have good intentions and you are probably the only one thinking rational right now and every body is into the festivities and NOT the MARRIAGE.
i agree with what your trying to do but organize this talk. Give good psychological advise and input. I believe there is a book oout that adivises questions to ask your significant other BEFORE marriage. This may put a spark in her to really get to know this guy and MAYBE delay the ceremony/festivities.
She does need to realize it\'s about marriage and not the ceremony but be well organized in the way you present this to her or you could inherit an enemy for life.
Be sure and back up your suspicions with dates, time of day, and events to have her re-examine who this rally is guy.
I wish someone would have (insisted) sat me down to have this talk.
Good luck.
Thank you Kathy and energylost appreciate the words of confidence,on that note i have sat my niece down several times over the months to no avail,she is her fathers daughter in that respect to where getting info from her is like pulling teeth,and yes kathy i am extremely close to my niece,so much so that everyone says my sister only gave birh to her,but she is my daughter,and maybe thats my problem that she is so much like me its scary,everything thruout her life i have also gone thru,braces,bad breakups,bad grades at 1 point,even her complaining over her mosquito bites,which i always do....and as i sit and think here she is also getting married at the same age as i did i got married at 28,she turns 28 the week before the marriage,there is also a child involved here a 4 yr old boy from his previous relationship,and the mother of said child is also my nieces cousin(by marriage) yes to say its alot is an understatement,I dont trust the mother of the child as far as i can throw her she is my step sisters daughter and both my step sister and her are very vindictive,the son is in the wedding party as well,so not only will my niece be a 1st time bride ,she also becomes an automatic stepmother that day(yeah that i didn\'t do) thank god....my sister has bipolar disorder,and kathy she had a very nice wedding 27yrs ago yes they are still married,and maybe my niece will to,i just cant see it happening,and because i am very close to her,I seriously do not want to see her hurt in any way,as i said i cant wait for may 14th to be over,with no drama or problems i pray,I love my niece,but i just cant get excited about this wedding,whats even more scary is my mom and stepdad,and even hubby feel the same way....In any case ladies thanks again for listening and reading,just wish i could shake this feeling is all.