The Naples, FL Gazette

This journal is LONG overdue. As of tomorrow (June 1, 2013) I will have been here for 6 weeks already! Sometimes it seems like I just got here, and at others, it seems like I've been here a lot longer. Every day is a little different yet the same -- as a matter of fact this morning, I woke up and was certain it was Saturday. NOT. I laugh and say I need to get one of those clocks that shows the days of the week instead of the hours in the day.
After Jean went home, I took a couple of days by myself to sort through my things and peck at getting things put away and organized here in my new house. Lisa offered to help and she checked in with me by phone every day, but I just needed some serous down time after having been "on" 24/7 for almost a week. And I needed the privacy to be able to cry when I felt the urge -- which was often.
I would be lying if I told you that I haven't had some really bad moments in the last 6 weeks. The last time I saw Tom was on April 14 -- my last Sunday in Maryland. He had kept insisting that he wanted to "see me off" on the morning of the 18th, but I wasn't having any of that. There was NO WAY I was going to say goodbye to my little farm and to him at the same time. So I agreed to meet him on Sunday the 14th and have a meal, settle up our finances and they say goodbye. In truth, I didn't really want to say goodbye -- I thought "see you later" was more appropriate since neither of us know how this is going to play out, but nevertheless, it was difficult for me.
My relationship with Tom showed me what it felt like to be loved for who I am and to be treated with respect -- something I NEVER had in my marriage. And everything was great for the first three years. There is no real "defining moment" of when things got off track but I can remember several incidents in 2011 where I knew in my heart of hearts that the relationship was becoming unhealthy. I tried my best to work at compromise, but Tom has a stubborn streak in him that I couldn't get past. I knew I was going to have to be the one to call it quits and I still sometimes question myself as to why I let it drag on so long. I have to tell myself that I did the best I could with what I had to work with. That's all any of us can do.
While I am still struggling with my feelings, when he continued to call me twice a week, I took the initiative this pastTuesday night and caught him at home.  The primary reason for my call was to tell him as gently and firmly as possible that I don't want him to call or email me anymore; that it isn't doing me any good because every time I hear his voice, I go back to that awful disappointed place in my head. Disappointed in him and disappointed in the way things worked out with us. I had such hopes and dreams for our future, but I am seeing now that it just wasn't meant to be. Even my therapist believes it was a transitional relationship for me -- definitely NOT a REBOUND -- but transitional, just the same. She said now that I know what a healthy relationship looks and feels like, that's why I had to draw the line on this one -- because it was sinking fast and I was starting to get dragged down by it.
My self-imposed NO CONTACT is for a period of AT LEAST 30 DAYS. If, at that point, I feel like I want to touch base with Tom, I will initiate the contact. And if not, I won't. Tom needs to know what it's like to NOT have me around and NOT to have me to talk to. He is the one who insisted that he didn't get ENOUGH "alone time" in the relationship and now he has all the alone time he can stand. Yet he would call at least every other day. As for me, I've started building a whole new network of friends down here. My neighbors on this cul-de-sac have all come over to introduce themselves and we see each other often, as most folks are outside in the mornings and evenings around here -- walking their dogs or just being outside and enjoying the fine weather. The guy across the street, TJ, is super nice. I met him in January when I came down to visit Lisa. TJ bought all of my moving boxes, packing materials and bubble wrap for his girlfriend who is downsizing her house and thinking about moving in with him. TJ also has offered to build some overhead storage shelves in my garage -- which I desperately need so that I can get all those totes off the floor and make room to pull my car inside. AND he said if I take a couple of days to go visit friends in other parts of Florida, he and "Emma" (his lovely Yellow Lab mix) will be glad to come over and look after Jake & Woody. That's the other crazy thing! Jake & Woody aren't afraid of dogs -- probably because they were raised by my German Shepherd. And they LIKE Emma! She has just walked into the house with TJ a couple of times and there was no hissing or screeching or anything! They seem a little leery of the little yapper dogs they see around here, but Emma is BIG -- more like my lovely Hallie was -- so maybe that's it.
Last Sunday, Lisa and I went up to St. Petersburg. She had cousins visiting up there from Texas and I was delighted to go along. St. Petersburg is a BEAUTIFUL CITY and just driving across the Tampa Bay bridge was impressive (see my photos). We spent the day with her cousins, walking around the waterfront and enjoying the beautiful weather -- low 80's with almost zero humidity and a nice breeze. The drive home seemed to take forever and we decided that if we want to go that far again in a day, that we will spend the night and come home the next day.
Jake & Woody have settled into their new digs and are now chasing the occasional gecko that finds its way into the garage and that is GREAT SPORT! Unfortunately, I don't think they taste quite as good as mice. I watched Jake with one this morning...he slapped his paw on its tail so it couldn't get away and then picked it up in his mouth. Geckos are very squirmy and it must have tickled or tasted bad because he spat it out pretty fast. I finally got tired of the pandemonium and picked the poor gecko up and took it outside. But it was sure funny to watch!
This evening, one of the members of the In-Betweeners Meetup group is playing piano and singing at an Italian bistro up in Bonita Springs. It's about a 20 minute drive north from Naples and it should be fairly well attended since it's Friday evening. No doubt, in the course of the evening, someone will cook something up for a weekend get together which is fine with me. I wish my place was bigger because I have always enjoyed hosting things in my home. And I may just say what the heck and invite the group over. I've got plenty of places to sit indoors and there's also the lanai. Maybe have BYOB drinks and bring some snack-type stuff.
So my new life down here in Naples is unfolding nicely. I joined a couple of meetup groups and have been very active in the "In-Betweeners" group. This is open to anyone between the ages of 45 and 65 but I would say the majority of the members are on the high end of that age range. Most are at least semi-retired and there is a pretty even mix of men and women; natives and transplants. They have a regular Wednesday night meetup, but in the last three weeks have also gotten together on Friday evenings and the occasional Saturday or Sunday.
Today I am waiting for a call back from the Progessive Insurance office on a quote for car and homeowners' insurance. I spoke with him earlier this morning and he said he would run the numbers and get back to me this afternoon. I have also established a relationship with a primary care doctor, an audiologist and a pain management team. Had a baseline MRI of my spine yesterday. It's been 5 years since I had one done and it's important to have someone keep track of what's going on in there because some spinal stenosis was indicated 5 years ago. Overall, I am very pleased with the level of medical care that is available here and the warmth and general caring and interest of the health care professionals I have chosen. That's all good stuff!
So on that note, I guess I better stop this and get back to the sewing room. I still don't have everything set up and squared away and I am anxious to start sewing the doll clothes again. Christmas will be here again before we know it and I have already gotten calls from my two outlets in Maryland asking if I am going to continue to sew and sell my things in their shops! Of course I am! That's what the U.S. Mail is for -- I can just as easily do it from Florida as I did from Maryland and now I have so much more time! No mowing. No weed whacking. No spraying of 2-4-D. No fixing fences. No forking horse poop. No mulching. And the grounds here are absolutely GORGEOUS! Nice. Nice change of lifestyle. For the first time in my adult life I feel FREE to do WHATEVER I choose. No pressure and no hassles.
AND I have been riding my bicycle for at least 30 minutes EVERY MORNING! I have to laugh because I think I'm the ONLY person in Florida with a 31-speed bike -- and I only need ONE GEAR -- "Flat." There are a couple of other regular cyclists in the neighborhood and they chuckled when saw my bike for the first time, but it's ok. I like my skinny tires and hand brakes! They all ride "beach bikes" with fat tires and coaster brakes. I don't plan on riding on the sand and if I do, I'll rent one.
Oops! I almost forgot to mention this -- I enlisted to be a volunteer with a local animal rescue organization and I did my first shift as a volunteer at the local PetCo store on Wednesday morning. They have a "Cat Condo" set up in the store there and a volunteer comes in morning and evening to feed, water and tidy up for the cats and kittens that are available for adoption. My first day was a little weird because I hadn't done it before, but it was fine. They had just brought in three new kittens for adoption -- a gray one, an orange one and a black & brown tabby one. I called them The Three Stooges and I could have sat and watched them play for HOURS! Soooo cute! All totalled, there were 10 cats and kittens in the condo that day. They have an Adoption Event in the store every Saturday and I had been up to take part in two of them as part of my orientation. Really enjoyed it and it's amazing how this kind of PR gets these animals forever homes in fairly short order. This is something I have wanted to be part of for a long time, but never had time for in Maryland.
I'm also going to buy myself a fishing rod and tackle. You can fish off the pier without a license and I have always loved to fish! So that's on my "to do" list for next week.
So that's it for now from sunny Naples, Florida! It's 85 degrees with some clouds today and a 30% chance of showers and thunderstorms this afternoon and evening. Not a whole lot different from summer weather forecasts in Maryland, but at least HERE the beautiful beaches are just 10 minutes away!