the muck
I sit here wondering why I can't move forward with what is left of my marriage. For all of the things we do together I just can't forget what happened just over a year ago. The thought of what happened sticks in my mind and is there all of the time. I would love to move forward as she wants but just can't get there. I can't even laugh around her any more, it seems as if any emotion except a vast emptiness resides there. I walk like a zombie through life now wondering if I will ever feel happy again. I can laugh with friends and my kids (who don't live with me) but when I go home it is as if a door shuts and there I am looking a someone who I use to love and don't have any feelings but mistrust and apprehension now. You see she took my happiness away when she choose to have an affair with another woman. I have not been the same since, I have tried but it just goes nowhere. We are roommates now and do things together, but I wonder if there was any love for me in her heart to begin with. She says she enjoys to be with me but that isn't the same as saying love. If I pressure her she will say she loves me but I am so doubtful now..it shouldn't be this way. Am I just wasting my time in this thing called marriage? I don't know...I tell her I don't know if I can do this anymore. Her response is she wants the marriage to work, that she will do whatever it takes to make it work. That is nice but I feel it might be about 1 year too late. The problem is that it isn't a constant battle at the house or a battle at all. She does her thing and I do mine...I always figured that in a marriage you did things together. That you would look forward to seeing each other..to miss each other..that is the was I use to feel. How does one forget the past and put on that happy face to feel again to trust again. I don't look at her cell anymore I don't constantly ask her where she has been...all that has past. If it came down to it I guess I really don't care about those things any more. So what is left behind is a vast desert of a marriage that had such high hopes...hopes that are now dashed on the rocks of life... Sorry to be so down, I try to stay positive most of the time, but sometimes I do get pulled down I apoligise. Jerry
Replies
All marriages have major bumps in the road. No one can tell you what decision is best for you. You have to figure that out for yourself. I can tell you about my experience and my decisions, but they are mine. You must make yours. My advice (which you can completely toss aside if you choose) is don\'t give up on your vows too quickly. I have known relationships that have recovered and became stronger after affairs. I have known others that have not. One thing I did notice in those marriages that became stronger was they usually ended up having very frank discussions about their sexuality, fantasies, and what they felt was lacking. This came from both parties, not just the one who strayed.
If you want I can discuss with you some of the things my husband and I; and others we know, have been through.
Sorry i had to cut you off...you\'ll get through this, with or without her...sounds like the decision that you\'ve been left to make. I am here for you, just as you\'ve been for me shout out and I will hear you...love and support, janae
Don\'t ever be sorry Jer...that is what you feel and you need to get it out. I care about you and want you to be happy...You will know when you had enough. You will know.xxxxxxxxxx\'s
Im sorry I have not been here for you. I went back to work this week. Im not ready...not healthy enough yet... but cannot afford to be off and my kids need me. I work and come home and go to bed. I know what you mean about the emptyness and not feeling or caring. We are together... but really do not talk about anything important because that leads to pain. They just do not understand the hurt and trust issues and how hard it is to move on and get over. Its always there. No matter what he does or says to reassure me... I just cannot forget. It is late tonight but I will call you this weekend. You are not alone and you are loved. You have been my life saver too many times to count. You are an amazing person never forget that. You deserve to be happy and I want that for you. Be strong and feel my arms around you when you need a hug. Love u! xoxoxoxo
JERRY .. YOU AND I HAD THIS TELEPHONE CONVERSATION ... YOU DIVULGED TO ME WHAT YOUR WIFE DID .. MY ADVICE TO YOU IS LIFE IS TO SHORT, YOU ARE TO NICE, AND SHE IS TO SELFISH ... SO THAT BEING SAID, IT\'S TIME TO MOVE ON NOW MY FRIEND, YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND WITH A WOMAN WHO LIKES MEN !! YOU HAVE ALOT TO OFFER THAT WOMAN, BUT YOU WON\'T FIND HER STUCK IN THAT LOVELESS MARRIAGE ....... HUGS ! MARIE