The month of May..season of change

I have a friend that is having a tough time right now and I feel bad for all the trials and tribulations we all seem to have to deal with. She says that the month of May is a very hard month for her, which got me to thinking about the month of May for me. Its Mothers day  which I do love to celebrate but my son hasnt been coming to see me for the last couple of years and that hurts me. We have a strange relationship. He is 27 and is a punk rocker so his life is pretty wild. Going to shows and traveling the country. But he makes no $ doing this he lives like a pauper. He'll eat and sleep anywhere so I spend my time worrying and wondering what part of the country he is in. Is he eating,is he getting beat up by people that think he's different. He's a good kid with a good heart but his priorities are surely not his family. I see him twice a year.He comes Christmas and mothers day,well maybe now once a year.Also his birthday is in May 10th. and as I mentioned in a previous journal this year his birthday was on mothers day but he went to NY, to party with friends. Then I have Bruces death ann. on May 9th, well I dont have to write about that because we all on here know how that day goes... Then Bruce and my wedding ann. is May 28th. It would have been our 3rd this year. The sad thing about this is that I never got to celebrate our first. He was gone 3weeks before it. I feel like I got gipped, but on the other hand I feel more sad when I read about you all missing your anniversaries than I do my own. I never had one. And the first year I was in such a fog that I couldnt face the day. How would I anyway. You cant celebrate a first anniversary when your grieving your partner. So although I got married on May 28th that day doesnt have much signifigence to me.I'll always cherish the memories of my wedding day, but not my anniversary, I never had one. I know that sounds crazy but its as if his death voided out our anniversary. That is now my important date to remember now. May 9th the day he died. Ah, yes and we have memorial day..a day to remember the ones we lost. As if we can ever forget. Every day is memorial day as far as I'm concerned and I will always remember and cherish my memories of the ones I loved and lost. My Mom who was there for me unconditionally and my husband who loved me more than I could ever have dreamed.  The month of May is not a very good month for me but I cant change the things that have happened in that month. So all I can do is to try and stay strong and be happy in my new life and get through this month just like I get through every other one.The only thing I can try to change is to get my son to be more aware of his mothers feelings and try to get him to see that his birthday and mothersday are very important to me and I wish it was to him too.