The Monster Revisited
The Monster in the Cage Wednesday, March 19, 2008 Addiction is a monster with a ravenous appetite. I live with this monster. In the beginning, it was just a baby monster, and only nipped at me a little. I thought it was fun to play with, and I ignored the scratches I walked away with afterward....Then it started taking bites out of my flesh, bigger and bigger bites. Finally, I realized that it would eventually consume me if I did not do something. So....with much effort, I put the monster in a cage. At first, when I walked by the cage, the monster screamed and clawed through the bars, demanding to be released, demanding another bite of me.....so I learned to stay farther from the bars and plug my ears to the monster's demands. The monster has grown quieter and quieter, weaker and weaker. What if I open the door of the cage to see if the monster has changed its ways???? If I ever open the door again, the monster will spring up and devour me with all the hunger of its long fast...... This was a journal I wrote last year, still in the early weeks of recovery....The monster is still there, but continues to grow quieter and weaker.At times, I think....maybe he is subdued....has he learned his lesson?Maybe he will behave himself if I bring him out to play...... NOT it would be so easy to tell myself the monster has been tamed....I am going on a cruise in 2 weeks that, of course, will have a casino onboard......it would be soooo easy to wander in there and give it a whirl..... I am so thankful for the dear friends on this site who have had slips and relapses and who have been courageous enough to come back here and talk about it! It helps me realize there is no going back out there to gamble in a "controlled" way. Not one of the people who has slipped has been glad they did, or found it an good experience..... Knowing this makes it easy to avoid the lies and self-deceptions about the possibility of "taming" the monster! There is room on this site for people sharing their victories....but just as importantly, their slips and relapses. I can learn from both!!!! Much Love, Big Hugs, Dianne
Replies
You\'re so smart, Dianne :) I remember when you originally wrote the \"Monster in the cage\" story, so many people could identify with that story, I know I sure did. And I still do. That flipping monster is going to have to stay in it\'s cage! No going on a cruise for that caged liar! But you, wow, going on a cruise! That sounds like so much fun! Mark and I want to go on a cruise someday, ya\' know, before we die! lol I have so much reading to do to catch up with what e\'one has been up to. Me...eating & gaining weight! LOL@me! Take pic\'s on the cruise so you can post them for us, okay? Love you, Robin
Dear Dianne,
Reminders, so important in our recovery. Yes I am reminded too - That the little \"monster\" or large one if fed remains quiet now - sleeping maybe but not dead. Awake in a heart beat. You are so right - room for both failures and successes. i realise we learn from both - I look and realise too in a heart beat this could be me and I learn.
How lovely that you get some much deserved vacation time - you will be ok - I know you will because - you are already planning - I had to do this too in Las Vegas - seemed crazy to be there in a way but you shift focus. You will and can do this - thank you for this today. Much love to you. Suzi
I, too, remember when you first wrote this. I related oh so well then, and I still do. The monster is still just beyond my grasp, waiting to be fed just a little morsel so it can devour me. So very real. Thank you for your honesty, your caring, and your sharing. And a cruise, wow, sounds like lots of fun....as long as you stay away from the casino that is. Have a great time. Can\'t wait to hear all about it.
Thank you so much for Sharing. These are the things that help keep me focused. I try not to overload on too much but the things that catch my attention, I try to grab hold of, and I loved this one. I will Remember to \"keep the monster caged. THANK YOU
I, too remember this entry. I remember \"the monster in the cage\" helped me relate to my gambling in a way that I could understand and work on. Your trip sounds wonderful! What time do I need to be there, you\'re taking me too, right? :~) THere\'s so much to do on those trips, you won\'t have time to think about gambling! Have a wonderful trip. Peace and Love. Patty
This was the first time I had ever seen the \"monster\" entry. Wow.. You said it all. The cruise sounds like so much fun... there are lots of other things to do other than the casino\'s, and if I remember correctly, they were really pitiful anyway.
The Monster .......I guess we need \'Excorsism Anonymous eh>. lol ..Gosh so many ugly names to call our addiction.
Monkeys\'\' demons. Evil that lays inside of Us.
Not a single bet of any kind \'keeps the \'Cycle in \'remission .. for me. WTG with a Cruise....I am unable to go \'on board of a ship with a Casino in it..I \'don\'t trust Myself \'; but then \'that is me. and We all have our Thresholds \'. YOu enjoy. relax.. bask in the sun off the Ocean.....\'My son and family go every \'year sometimes \'2 \'x\'s ....I tend to their house.
Now put me on an inland lake with a fishing \'rod\' .. that would \'\'\'\'sure be nice\'\'\' and would go in a New York second \'; but work /time/\'interfers so far..
Be well my Owlett...
sanr...
Hi Di~ good analogy - I like it. You\'ve done so well..I\'m always inspired by you. I know you\'ll have fun on the cruise, and you deserve a break. As always, glad you\'re here...chat with you later...
love Brigette
Diane, you have made amazing positive progress - you have been a strength to every one here at DS --- I am happy to have met you here --- Barbara
Good JE! Be carefull on the cruise. If you do enter that casino look for that one person in there that reminds you how bad it was, the one that makes you say that was me before recovery! You see that sad hopeless face and I don\'t think you will open that cage. Step easy and enjoy your cruise!!!