The Monster On Mute

I'm still working through the difficult decisions at work....first I veer this way, then I get some different information and veer that way.....something else comes up, and then there I go back the other way again!!!  Enough already.... Even with that, I'm not tempted to gamble.  I remember how sad and hopeless I felt when I was in the death grip of the addiction.  The monster had me and it was very painful!  All that was good in me was being eaten away.... At times in my recovery, I have had "urges" and wishes to go back....These last few weeks, I feel very different.I have no longing to go.  I don't think of it.I don't hear any call at all....maybe I put the Monster on "Mute"LOLIt is good.There was a while when I was afraid I would ALWAYS want to gamble, and would just endureNOT GAMBLING.... I don't dare let myself believe I will never be tempted....These few weeks may just be a temporary blessing.I just hope they last a long, long time! People told me early in recovery it would get better and better.Is this what they meant? For those struggling now...I can tell you for sure there can be better days aheadWhen you are not pulled by desire to play with the MonsterWhen you have whole stretches of time where you are left in Peace. It is so so worth the effortTo stay on the "road to recovery".... Don't give up hopePersevereConnectAsk for Help We are here, your companions on this road.....  Hmmmm....not sure where that came from...except from my heart, of course... The most important part is that I owe it all to my dear friends here on this site.Big Hugs, Much LoveDianne  

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Dianne, I am applying what you\'ve said toward my co-dependency addiction right now. Also, what you wrote also gives me a ray of hope for my ex. I know he is out there being yanked by that horrible monster. It is good to hear \'testimony\' from others... it does give hope.

I pray you gain peace about the situation at your office. Thanks for sharing from your heart. xxooxx debs
deleted_user
deleted_user

Wtg Journelling. Welcome to Life. \'\'Veering this way \'that way.. Decisions more feedback \'=back to square one.. Flexible,, Adaptable.. Amen..
As far as Gambling and it gets better \'\'YEs\'\'..
No urges..or wants to hide.. Handling what is on Your Plate.
\'Running a buisness is hard. And most who \'have them , understand.. Even the \'guy on the street can share a morsel or two.
But Gambling is secretive..
Glad YOu Muted the old echo.. of \'that part that I share.....tooo........the cg addict mind .
It is better for me. I Live life.. I have problems off and ON.... I \'try Every day to go in the Direction that \'fits my lifestyle..
Dignity.. Grace , Poise. Communication is the \'\'door to Freedom.. Amen.. and Yes Companions on this road.. \'\'Profound and True.. for me..
love yah. Sandra
Hoot for YOU.. in \'\'Journelling..
deleted_user
deleted_user

Beautiful journal Dianne....I feel exactly the same in my life right about now. So glad you are beside us on this road to recovery.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Monster on Mute!! I like that Dianne!! Even better, Being reminded that he is never Gone!! But muted is NICE!!! Also nice to know that even through life struggles and tough decisions, The Monster isn\'t calling!!! Way to GO Dianne!! So Proud of you and SOOOO Encouraged!!! Thank you my friend!! Love Ya, GIna
deleted_user
deleted_user

Geez. I guess I should copy and paste my response from the discussions! lol It just kinda\' fell out of my heart, maybe only making sense to me. And that\'s okay, today I can feel okay about what my heart is feeling, and I\'m even learning to deal with what my mind is thinking! Wow, talk about the beginning of realizing a life long epiphany! I can listen to my mind and not have to act on every thought! I can feel with my heart when my mind is taking me to places I don\'t want to go. It\'s a mind/heart thing :) Love you, friend...
deleted_user
deleted_user

The work decisions are difficult because they are life decisions. But being Gamble Free is a life decision as well. I\'m still having trouble getting to 30 days - but my slips are fewer and farther between. And less money so I don\'t beat myself up afterward - I just look for the motivation and write it down and promise to do better next time. I thank you for your wonderful words of encouragement.
SheliaMac
SheliaMac

Thank you for the uplifting message Dianne. You\'re a true inspiration for those of us in our early recovery.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Hi Dianne...your writing always resonates within me, striking a chord...the vacillation about your work situation...the muted gambling monster....the great advice to persevere and connect~
thanks for being here...love ya,
Brigette
mrsfroggie
mrsfroggie

You write the most powerful entries! WHat you said is so true. There are better days ahead, one right after the other. When we are not in the grips of the monster we have a life that is full, maybe full of things we\'d rather not deal with, but it is life at it\'s best. As long was we all walk this road together, we will never be alone and can do anything we set our minds to. THank you for you support and love. Peace and LOve. Patty
deleted_user
deleted_user

Think your message could be meant for me, thought i was strong because i resisted the temptation the last weekend. This past friday i sank back into the depths of weakness. When am i ever going to learn to pay attention to the little voice in me warning me to turn around and not go into that minefield they call a casino.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Love the je. I\'m inching my way back here. I haven\'t been journaling because I don\'t want to let myself down again. I might be ready to let everything out in a day, or week, or month...I\'m not sure. All I know is I went through that vicious circle hard and fast again and I\'m so ready to jump out because it will flush me away! I\'ll be talking to you! Miss you! Sandie
deleted_user
deleted_user

Woo HOo Dianne. You are such a positive influence here. Even though you have your own struggles, you stay positive and remind others to do the same. We need your input. Like you, I have so much gratitude when the \"tiger is sleeping\"...cuz I know that even though he is sleeping, he is still in there growing. I am keeping him asleep this time...I feel powerful today and that\'s all I need. Just to feel powerful one day at a time.
Blessings
Mary