the Monster is not Dead.... it was only asleep
There is no cure for alcoholism. Especially alcoholism that is not in recovery.
But there must be something I can do. something I can say. Some kind of support that I can give... and it will change.
Nope. It doesn't change. The disease rears up its ugly head again and again. Especially when the weather is bad, cloudy and when I am not up to playing the game. She comes at me AGAIN. Even though she has promised she would not.
It is not within my power to make her disease better. Especially when she will not get into recovery. The only thing I can do is let go and distance myself and pray until SHE decides to get it together.
My boundaries are: I will NOT be yelled at 2. I will not argue and try to reason with crazy such as "What if I did THIS TO MY MOTHER?" that's crazy. .... 3. I will not call if I do not want to call. 4. I will not be around her if I do not want to be or without my husband or a counselor. 5. I will not be her target bc she has refused to get help and refused to make friends and isolated herself.
I did not cause this. She has been this way since before I was born. I cannot control it. I've tried for years to appease her and sometimes I just don't have the strength. and I can't cure it. I've tried... and that just never has worked. Never.
She's in a bad place bc of the weather and the holidays. And I will not be a part of it. I have my own bad days bc I have SAD and I take naps and keep myself busy.
I will have to do the same today. I will not answer my phone. I will not answer the door. My car is in the garage so if she comes over she does not know if I'm home or not. I will not meet her w/o a counselor or mediator or my husband. I am not sorry. I really did not do anything wrong. She's in a bad place. And she is adult and I am not suppose to fix her problems.
I do not want to run to her house every weekend.
I did not text her at the "right" time and I did not call her this weekend. I guess I am supposed to. I've always known that's the underwritten rule. But I didn't call her this wkend and today she is livid. She sent me 3 crap texts and left 3 voicemails and sent me an email. They were all uncalled for. I deleted them all. Then she called today and I told her I wasn't happy about it and she became furious. U can't be angry at mom. She never has a reason for anyone to be mad at her... bc she is so sensitive and wouldn't hurt a fly and never says mean things to ppl and they shld NOT treat me badly. I've heard that all my life... how unfairly ppl have treated her.
I hung up when she just started SCREAMING to the top of her lungs. I won't handle it. I don't have to. It's always the breaking point for me.
So one wkend I didn't call her and she's screaming.
But this is the pattern. The holidays are coming up and upon us. I always start to get nervous. ... and I start looking for an escape route bc I do not want to be with her on the holidays. And she starts panicking.
So, it's the pattern. So I am going to have to keep myself busy today. With either sewing. Call my sponsor. Go run errands and get something for this bladder infection and not think about her misery. It is hers. She will have to figure out a way to handle it.
G
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Hey
Comfort to you Hugs to you Calming Energy For You,Release for You.
Your entire post can be summed up in 3 words- You love her. You love her through the insanity, craziness and all,
If you love her- your job is complete,
What you need to learn:
To support yourself and nurture yourself so when this rears its ugly head you are confident within yourself that you will
not let this hurt you- even if you dont answer the phone- hang up when she yells- shes still a part of you but she does not
have the right to interfere with your Calming Energy,Your Peace, This is Yours, She gave Hers Away to the illusion that she has
created in her own mind,
Know this - understand this and incorporate this truth into your life.
Whenever you speak to her always a calm tone.
One of the issues that a parent can manifest is treating , speaking to an adult child as though they are still a child,
Any disrespect caused by a long term alcohol affliction or just bare bone disrespect in no form should be tolerated, We all
have to have a life planned out so when we reach certain ages we have hobbies that we love- which she should have.
BUT yes yes yes yes she needs therapy to find and discover her own truths so she can release them and uh sorry leave you
alone a little,I mean let me tell you if I were in this situation - I would throw little topics into the conversation deliberate to
target her shell being cracked open (good Autumn verbiage huh? lol}Shell being cracked open is meant to mean breaking up
hard ground- since she is never ever going to go to therapy,Or can you possibly stand to have a talk with her over lunch about HER.
Her past, her experiences in life- any traumas that she experienced,I have even heard of therapy conducted through like Skype
and such. Either way her illusion that she is okay is your Insanity -something has to give,
Maybe schedule an intervention where you/family members/therapist meet up and ultimatums are set into place for example
Mom I love you as you are but love you too much to see you remain there.You need to get a little therapy once a week maybe to
start because as it stands I can no longer allow my peace and mental stability to be attacked at times and until you do this Mom, I can
no longer be available to be a crutch to your incapability to obtain self help.
There is a reason behind her behavior a root.
Wishing you hugs love and Peace Serenity and Calming Healing Energy,
May it Surround You also your Mom.
<3
Wow! You really need to set some firm boundaries with her. You are so right in not taking the blame, or letting her manipulate her.
What kind of personal things are you doing for yourself? Things to calm yourself, and to work through what she has been doing to you, it sounds like your whole life? Good for you for taking the steps you have been taking. My mom has some personality disorders, but she is nothing like this.
Praying for you to have strength daily to face this.
Way to work the tools, Ginger. Nope, alcoholism never changes except to snake its way past any new boundaries.
May you get ever better with the tools to help you cope and live your own life.