The mistake

I’m not sure how this works, but i am going through a very tough time. I have been married for a little over a year now. My husband asked me out for over two years before i finally said yes to a New Year’s Eve date. Since then things have gone from terrible to horrible. Today was the worst. We are raising his 9 year old daughter from a previous relationship and we have custody of his 16 month old grandson. I love these kids with all of my heart, but truth be known, I’m just the babysitter. My husband has gotten to we’re he talks terrible to me and about me to others. I feel like he is trying to make my family and his believe that i am crazy. If i cry because he hurts my feelings I’m too sensitive, if i get mad and fuss back, I’m childish, if i post anything on Facebook im wanting attention. Well, today it came to a head. He’s told me for over a year that he doesn’t care if we stay together. He’s even made the comment that i must have forgotten that he doesn’t care if we stay together. Today, after hearing how bad i am, i told him that i knew about his secret drug addiction and how he was taking money out of our account to pay for treatment. His words to me were to “shut the f up, his life is none of my business, i would be the last “f’er” in the world that he would tell anything then. Then he called me by my maiden name and said that i am not a “my married name”. He says that he is leaving me and taking “his” kids with him as soon s he gets off of work. I’m to the point that i have actually thought of killing my self. I feel unwanted, unloved, and like i don’t deserve any sort of happiness.
I was born to two teenage parents, one told me at the age of two i was a mistake, the other has told me serveral times since. My first husband beat me, my second husband cheated on me, and now i third husband has said marrying me was the dumbest mistake that he has ever made. So yet again, I’m a mistake. I have no one to talk to because i feel like he has everyone thinking I’m a nut job. I lost, lonely, nd afraid at this point. I really don’t feel like i want to live anymore. It’s almost as it I’m not here, then all of them won’t have to worry about their huge mistake anymore.
I am just at the end of my rope. I don’t know how much more i can take.