The Loss of My Son Personal Journey
I lost my oldest son, Eric Andrew January 24th 2014 at the young age of 30 to a workplace accident. He left behind a wife and two small children. Trying to be there for my surviving children, my husband and myself is challenging since I am barely hanging on myself. There are no words that can describe the pain I feel still and it’s been almost 4 months. I have read a lot of books, websites and anything else I can get my hands on just to feel like there is hope I will survive this and that I will be ok sometime somehow.
Right now I am just desperately trying to find my way and learn how to live in this new life, a life I did not choose but one that has been given me without warning and I feel like I am failing miserably on putting the pieces all together.
Right now I am just desperately trying to find my way and learn how to live in this new life, a life I did not choose but one that has been given me without warning and I feel like I am failing miserably on putting the pieces all together.
Replies
Sherry I am so very sorry about the loss of your son. I know you may think and feel that 4 months is a long time and that you should be feeling better...but is such a short time. There is no quick fix to this loss, so do not expect so much from yourself. You are doing the best that you can...but this is the worst thing that can happen to a mother. This Sunday it will be 7 years since my Alex died as a result of a motorcycle accident. I have found how to enjoy life again...but my heart and mind can \"go there\" in an instant even after this long. I am glad you found us...but so sorry you needed to...but you are in the right place Love and hugs...Karen (mom of Alex)
I\'m so sorry to hear about the loss of your son, Eric Andrew. This is a place you can come for support & encouragement. These moms truly understand & care.
This journey is scary & unpredictable but we have each other to lean on & somehow we make it. Hugs of understanding....Vicki ( Jeremy & Chad\'s mom)
I am so very sorry about the loss of your beloved son. I too lost a son, Douglas, in July of 2008, and these compassionate and kind women have held by hand and my heart.
Just as Karen said, four months is such a short time and there are no maps to guide us. Only our inner compass and those who are walking it with us can truly be that light that we so sorely need when everything feels so isolating and dark.
Just know that you have found a safe haven here and you will be welcomed with the warmest and most authentic hearts you could ever find. There are no expectations so only do what feels healing for you even if you are not sure what that looks and feels like. Come here to read, feel companioned and perhaps you might read something that is just what you are feeling and to know that someone else is experiencing something similar IS the healing.
Taking it one breath at a time, moment and day is how you are doing it and you will survive even if you are not sure some days, you will...
The most loving care I offer and the deepest of understanding,
XO Joanie
There is no book that can tell you how you should feel or act. Just go with your emotions and feelings. They will go up and down like. Roller coaster. Don\'t let anyone tell you how you should feel. There is NO timeline. Take one moment at a time.
Love, Joan
I am so sorry about the loss of your son. It is a horrible loss that no mom should ever have to experience. You have come to the right place - these moms that have started this grief journey before me are there every second to walk beside me, hold my hand, catch my tears. We are all here for you - journal when you can and as I have been told many times, remember to breathe.....((hugs))Vicki
I find myself struggling to get the last image of my son out of my head and that is at his funeral. As I stood over his casket and looked down at him all dressed in his military uniform when I touched him he was so cold and hard to the touch. I touched his hair and it was so soft and as I bent down to hug him the lifeless look on his face is one that replays in my mind over and over and over. I guess I am still struggling after these months on is this really happening and did I really lose my baby forever. I visit his grave everyday on my lunch and just sit there, sometimes I talk to him and sometimes I just sit there and say nothing but I am driven to spend time there each and every day. I know till I fully except that he is gone I am in this holding pattern that is torturing me but I can\'t seem to bring myself to accept it fully and let go. Maybe this is a normal part of the process or maybe I sometimes think it is quite possible I am losing my sanity but yet I keep doing the same things over and over
Hello new friend.
I am so very sorry for the loss of your wonderful son, Eric Andrew. Nothing devastates a mother like losing a child. No matter the age or circumstance, we\'ve lost our babies and it HURTS beyond words.
You are still so new to this journey and the pain is still so raw. Please be gentle with yourself. That first year is hell. No other way to put it.... You are doing all you can and that is enough. There is no right or wrong way through this nightmare. But somehow, somehow, we find our way.
My Kala was 17 when her human experience ended due to a car accident. I was shattered. Lost. Angry. And yes, insane with grief. I found this site and met the most amazing women on this planet and my journey toward healing began. It\'s been just over 7 years now, and I can say with all honesty, I have found my life again.
Thank you for sharing. I\'ve found the more I share, the more I heal. It\'s a forever process, but it\'s doable.
You can and you will survive this!! And now you have all of us to cry with, scream with, curse with, and just BE with. We understand this loss. We live it each day too.
Please feel the LOVE and many prayers being sent to you this very moment~~
Tightest of heart hugs, Teri, Kala\'s mom
You are not losing your sanity, Sherry, you are grieving and this is what it looks and feels like for you. I still can see my son as well in the hospital when we withdrew life support and the image is still there when I go \"there.\" It is a place I had to go to often I believe for my heart to fully absorb the loss that my mind kept telling me had happened.
You are doing what brings you the closest to your son and however that looks for you is what is needed for now. Do not be afraid if in time it begins to change and you maybe find yourself seeking other ways to feel close to him and to connect.
Coming here will bring you increased validation that everything you are feeling we each have felt or are feeling now as well. I know it cannot lessen your sorrow, yet somehow truly understanding that others are walking this path too gives a nano moment of comfort from time to time.
Teri, (Remember Kala) helped me so very much to let me know that I could ask my son, Douglas, as her daughter Kala had told her to invite them along to everything. As soon as I began asking Douglas to be with me in the ways that he could my path took a turn. It was one I had been longing for and just didn\'t know how to get to, yet all of this takes time and it\'s as unique as we are.
For me it felt as if I were wearing steel boots walking through cement. Nothing felt as if it was moving and it was almost a cocoon like state that I needed to be in for a very long time. Yes, I was still doing the day to things that were needed, yet emotionally I needed to be in that space for awhile.
I am so grateful that you are feeling the safety to share and just hold on tightly...
Loving care,
Joanie
so sorry about your son.... you finally have found help... moms here are the best help you could ask for,,,,, your son joins my daughter , Morgan, she will always be 19.... peace to your heart.. Nora
Sherry, I am so very sorry for the passing of your dear son Eric Andrew. You loss is so new and so fresh and it hurts beyond description:. It has been four; almost 5 years since my son Eddie left for heaven. His passing was ssudden too. He was only 37 when he died in his sleep from my heart attack. He left two children. I can tell you from my experience the pain doesn\'t go away but it becomes bearable. And acceptance is hard. Sometimes I still have to remind myself that he is not coming back. For the first yeat or so I even went in & out of the bargaining stage. Anger, sadness, denial; I was in and out of all the stages as it is not a linear progression. Sherry, we are changed forever but slowly peace, joy and healing begin to creep back into our lives. I went to grief counseling and my counselor taught me to embrace the signs and I am blessed to know that Eddie still is. He sends me signs and they are comforting. If you want to read any of my journals from 2009- 2010 that i had posted you will see why I believe our children are with us. No not in the way we want them to be but with us none the less.
I won\'t lie to you, this will be hardest thing you will ever go through. We should not have outlived our child and there is nothing right or fair about it. Just know that you are not alone and the other moms here are the kindest and most loving people you will ever meet. And we understand. Tightest of hugs, Linda, Ed\'s mom
Sorry, typo. Should have read, \"from a heart attack\". I was rushing to type a few words on my phone before work.
So very sorry you are now counted among us. I just passed the 8th Anniversary of Billy\'s Angel Day...I still can\'t believe it has been that long - seems just like yesterday at times. The tears still flow at times but so very much gentler. Don\'t be hard on yourself, you are just starting down the path of finding out how to survive in this new world you now find yourself in. We are here to help you and pull you right along, kicking and screaming at times. Come back and share Eric with us - we love to hear about everyone\'s child. I am sure Billy has welcomed Eric with open arms...Eric has not left you he is still around and will let his feelings and presence be known. Keep putting on foot in front of the other...no matter how very hard it may be on days. Hugs, Ann
I am lost for words when it comes to the loss of someone\'s loved one. I decided that recently when a Dr I had worked with and known for about 8 years passed away recently after a battle with melanoma. He saved my life. I could not bring myself to tell his wife \" I am sorry\". For what am I sorry for.? It seems to be to be such the normal thing to say. However I plan not to use it anymore. He was the chapter leader and then the regional director for our area for The Compassionate Friends, a world wide organization dedicated to the loss of children. He lost 2 children, 1 from alcohol, 1 from an accidental overdose. He introduced me to this organization, and it is there that I could cry, tell my story and find out that \" I need not walk alone\" . I am not sure what I am trying to say, however I think it is that from him and other bereaved parents with longevity that there is hope that we someday will live & laugh again, but in time.
You are still in the very raw stage. I know that stage oh so very well. Try to be gentle with yourself. I know it is easier said than done.
I found FMO and met some wonderful women who have become my friends. It is here also where i can cry and share my feelings and they will understand.
I lost my Michael at a tender age of 21yrs old 2.5yrs ago. This 3rd year is very hard. Maybe the reality is still sinking in. He was my baby boy. I love him so much and him me. I love him more and more with each passing day.
I don\'t have the words to comfort you or take away your pain. Just keep coming back to FMO. You are on a very long journey.
Hugs to you and your beautiful Eric.
Laura
So sorry for your loss. I remember vividly reading anything and everything to help me cope. I looked every where possible for that hope that you are searching for. It\'s so cliche\' but it does take patience and time. It\'s the most difficult thing you will ever do but you can do this...survive this loss. I\'m so glad you found this site. It was truly my saving grace. The network of women here have all experienced every emotion there is. We are all here to help. Prayers for comfort and strength in the days ahead.