The long and short
My mother took ten years to transition. When she died I couldn't believe it. This in spite of the fact that she'd been in hospice and the doctor had told me she didn't have long.
Today, I was thinking about death in general. Most notably the long and short of death. Is it easier for us if someone dies quickly? Is it harder? I was surprised when I came home and found a discussion going on on just that topic.
My husband was gone in the blink of an eye. He did not suffer a long lingering death. There were no hospital visits. No long-term pain. The doctor did not tell him he had a short time to live. We lived each day as if we had forever. And the only clue that I had that our lives together was coming to an end was a whisper from God.
Not so with my mother. She suffered and in the end I prayed along with her for her release. God answered that prayer and she transitioned into the arms of God.
In both cases I lost someone I loved. I mourned deeply, getting through it by my deep faith in everlasting life. Did it help that I knew my mother was dying? No. Yes, I did get to say goodbye, but when she was gone, I sat in a state of shock. How could she not be on this earth with me? I wondered. How could she spend my entire life being there for me, caring for me, loving me, and just not be here any longer?
I felt the same way about my husband. He was there one day making plans, loving me, caring for me, and then he was just gone.
So why was death a shock in both cases? I think it's because the human brain is not capable of processing death on a purely intellectual level. We are emotional beings when it comes to death. I've observed this many times. A celebrity dies, someone like Bob Hope, and we're shocked even if the person was nearing 100. I think it's because on an emotional level, we feel that if a person is in our lives then they stay in our lives forever. We're taken in by their vibrancy and not the intellectual fact that all life will end. And when it does and it's a loved one we are shocked that somehow death didn't pass them by. We remember their lives, desperately raking our minds over each detail as if to say 'how can they just be gone'. It seems illogical on so many levels.
So is it easier to lose someone in the blink of an eye or after a long illness? I think it's the same where it matters most: in our hearts. And in the end we are all left with the pain of loss.
Today, I was thinking about death in general. Most notably the long and short of death. Is it easier for us if someone dies quickly? Is it harder? I was surprised when I came home and found a discussion going on on just that topic.
My husband was gone in the blink of an eye. He did not suffer a long lingering death. There were no hospital visits. No long-term pain. The doctor did not tell him he had a short time to live. We lived each day as if we had forever. And the only clue that I had that our lives together was coming to an end was a whisper from God.
Not so with my mother. She suffered and in the end I prayed along with her for her release. God answered that prayer and she transitioned into the arms of God.
In both cases I lost someone I loved. I mourned deeply, getting through it by my deep faith in everlasting life. Did it help that I knew my mother was dying? No. Yes, I did get to say goodbye, but when she was gone, I sat in a state of shock. How could she not be on this earth with me? I wondered. How could she spend my entire life being there for me, caring for me, loving me, and just not be here any longer?
I felt the same way about my husband. He was there one day making plans, loving me, caring for me, and then he was just gone.
So why was death a shock in both cases? I think it's because the human brain is not capable of processing death on a purely intellectual level. We are emotional beings when it comes to death. I've observed this many times. A celebrity dies, someone like Bob Hope, and we're shocked even if the person was nearing 100. I think it's because on an emotional level, we feel that if a person is in our lives then they stay in our lives forever. We're taken in by their vibrancy and not the intellectual fact that all life will end. And when it does and it's a loved one we are shocked that somehow death didn't pass them by. We remember their lives, desperately raking our minds over each detail as if to say 'how can they just be gone'. It seems illogical on so many levels.
So is it easier to lose someone in the blink of an eye or after a long illness? I think it's the same where it matters most: in our hearts. And in the end we are all left with the pain of loss.
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