The LOOK

I have to write about something that bothers me immensely...it's the infamous "look" you get from the cheater's co-workers, friends, family, etc. that know what is going on behind your back and you have no clue.  You know something is off, I cannot describe it...in my case it was certain people could not look me in the face and when they did it was (now that I look at it) the "poor sap" look.  Also I got the avoidance...some would be cordial and just walk away or deflect to something.  Does HE know how this makes me feel....extremely embarrassed and everlastingly SAD.  Just to know that people knew and knew me as a person and knew my kids but nobody said anything or even hinted, just made a mockery of me.  It's embarrassment to the Nth degree, especially that I could NOT hold on to a man and that he had to find "himself" with someone else.  God, I am not perfect..I wish I could be the public display of affection person, or the touchy feely person, but I am not...that doesn't mean I don't love or didn't love HIM.   But...back to the look...I look back myself and remember the look in HIS eyes as he lied to me...hindsight is 20/20.  I remember the emptiness as he looked in my face but I was TOO stupid to see it or not believe in him.  If you ever saw Charlie Manson on tv and saw his eyes...that is what I remember seeing...the emptiness but I still don't know how someone could look in your face and lie.  He became very good at it....doing it for 2 years, maybe more...so the look became imbedded in his nature.  I just hope genetics play a huge part here, and the kids don't follow down his path.  All I think of today again is the embarrassment of the "look" from everyone.