The light at the end of the tunnel was a train

Got to court today only to find out that the judge took the day off.  It turns out my former lawyer did not have enough coming out of my pay check for child support so I got to write a lump sum check to cover the difference.  So not only do I not get to see my children, my x would not agree to let me see them, but I got to pay out half of my monthly take home.  Injury to insult....it is so bitter to swallow.  It has now been over six months since I have had visitation with my children.  I am sober, hard working and clean, yet the system is stacked up against me.  There is no comfort for any of this.  People say "you will win in the long run".  Great!! EVeryone dies in the long run.  I have to keep fighting but even if I do get visitation my x will make my contact with the children painful.  I wont get to spend time with my kids on there birthdays, my two year old does not even konw who I am. One question.........Why?