The Letter to OW's BF (now fiance)
I've been sitting on the idea of writing him a letter but I had no way of getting it to him. I tried getting a contact phone number, FB account info, or ANYTHING after DDay, but I kept hitting dead ends. Now they are living together and engaged.
At first I wanted to tell him out of vindictiveness. I wanted her to lose something the way I did. I wish I could say I realized that revenge is wrong and that there's no point to it but to decay my own happiness, but the reality is - I thought perhaps this would actually bring them closer together - NOT push them apart. So I waited. After seeking much advice from others here, I realized that the only reason to tell OW's fiance is if it is for HIS benefit.
So here's my draft. I changed some details to protect the not-at-all-innocent.
Let me know what you think.
Jeff,
Although we have never met, I have felt for the last year and a half that I owed you the truth that I had to discover on my own. Unfortunately, I had no way to get in touch with you. [Our county] is a small place, though, and now that I finally have a way to contact you, I feel you have a right to this information.
I'll cut to the chase. My husband had a six month affair with Skankalottawhore during the time you and she were dating. Before I go any further with this letter - if you and Skankalottawhore have already discussed this and the truth has already come out, then please disregard everything that follows. If you are aware and you two have already sorted things out, then there's no point picking at scabs. However, if you did not know, I thought it would only be fair to you for you to have full disclosure.
Their relationship started to develop during the summer of 2010. She went on several [work related events] with him during graveyard shift. Then Skankalottawhore and Huz started working together on [a work related project] and spending inordinate amounts of time together. Even though I knew they were working on a case, things didn't always add up. He'd have to go see her on a Sunday or he would come home late in the morning, but not late enough that he could have been seeing her during business hours. She started commenting on everything he posted on Facebook. There were other clues and reasons for me to be suspicious, but after almost 16 years of marriage, I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt.
After many months, Huz's suspicious behavior finally pushed me to go searching for answers. One of the answers I found was an email Skankalottawhore had written to Huz in September. It was a very honest and open letter to him weighing the pros and cons of them being together. It was all the proof I needed to know that he was having an affair.
I don't know all the details, except what I have read in email and what Huz has told me. I do know that by October, Skankalottawhore was making demands that he leave his family and move in with her. When he balked at that idea, she offered him $50,000 from an inheritance she had recently received so that he could move out on his own. In November, Huz alleges that he told her in no uncertain terms that he would not leave me and did not want to be with her. She responded by letting him know that after she returned from her vacation to Mexico she expected him to be ready to move out.
After I confronted Huz with proof of the affair, he begged me for forgiveness and asked me to work on our marriage. I needed to know things had ended with Skankalottawhore, so I asked him to call her to tell her to leave him alone. In spite of this, phone/text message records indicate she contacted him several times afterwards, and continued to call and text him even after [one of the Huz's bosses] requested that she maintain professional contact only. Huz finally changed his cell phone number after she tried harassing him via text messages on our anniversary.
To my knowledge, she has had no contact with him directly since Huz changed his cell phone number except for the times where they had [work related meetings] together. The only reason to bring this information to you is perhaps so that you can guard yourself better than I did in your marriage and save yourself the heartache I experienced.
I am including the email that Skankalottawhore wrote in which she confesses her love for Huz. I think it speaks more eloquently of the relationship they had than I possibly could. I have other emails outlining their relationship and interactions, but I think this single email is probably enough.
It breaks my heart all over again to have to write this letter, but out of respect for you I thought it best for you to have knowledge of the events that transpired before you made a lifetime commitment.
Sincerely,
Allora
((They are getting married Oct. 6))
At first I wanted to tell him out of vindictiveness. I wanted her to lose something the way I did. I wish I could say I realized that revenge is wrong and that there's no point to it but to decay my own happiness, but the reality is - I thought perhaps this would actually bring them closer together - NOT push them apart. So I waited. After seeking much advice from others here, I realized that the only reason to tell OW's fiance is if it is for HIS benefit.
So here's my draft. I changed some details to protect the not-at-all-innocent.
Let me know what you think.
Jeff,
Although we have never met, I have felt for the last year and a half that I owed you the truth that I had to discover on my own. Unfortunately, I had no way to get in touch with you. [Our county] is a small place, though, and now that I finally have a way to contact you, I feel you have a right to this information.
I'll cut to the chase. My husband had a six month affair with Skankalottawhore during the time you and she were dating. Before I go any further with this letter - if you and Skankalottawhore have already discussed this and the truth has already come out, then please disregard everything that follows. If you are aware and you two have already sorted things out, then there's no point picking at scabs. However, if you did not know, I thought it would only be fair to you for you to have full disclosure.
Their relationship started to develop during the summer of 2010. She went on several [work related events] with him during graveyard shift. Then Skankalottawhore and Huz started working together on [a work related project] and spending inordinate amounts of time together. Even though I knew they were working on a case, things didn't always add up. He'd have to go see her on a Sunday or he would come home late in the morning, but not late enough that he could have been seeing her during business hours. She started commenting on everything he posted on Facebook. There were other clues and reasons for me to be suspicious, but after almost 16 years of marriage, I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt.
After many months, Huz's suspicious behavior finally pushed me to go searching for answers. One of the answers I found was an email Skankalottawhore had written to Huz in September. It was a very honest and open letter to him weighing the pros and cons of them being together. It was all the proof I needed to know that he was having an affair.
I don't know all the details, except what I have read in email and what Huz has told me. I do know that by October, Skankalottawhore was making demands that he leave his family and move in with her. When he balked at that idea, she offered him $50,000 from an inheritance she had recently received so that he could move out on his own. In November, Huz alleges that he told her in no uncertain terms that he would not leave me and did not want to be with her. She responded by letting him know that after she returned from her vacation to Mexico she expected him to be ready to move out.
After I confronted Huz with proof of the affair, he begged me for forgiveness and asked me to work on our marriage. I needed to know things had ended with Skankalottawhore, so I asked him to call her to tell her to leave him alone. In spite of this, phone/text message records indicate she contacted him several times afterwards, and continued to call and text him even after [one of the Huz's bosses] requested that she maintain professional contact only. Huz finally changed his cell phone number after she tried harassing him via text messages on our anniversary.
To my knowledge, she has had no contact with him directly since Huz changed his cell phone number except for the times where they had [work related meetings] together. The only reason to bring this information to you is perhaps so that you can guard yourself better than I did in your marriage and save yourself the heartache I experienced.
I am including the email that Skankalottawhore wrote in which she confesses her love for Huz. I think it speaks more eloquently of the relationship they had than I possibly could. I have other emails outlining their relationship and interactions, but I think this single email is probably enough.
It breaks my heart all over again to have to write this letter, but out of respect for you I thought it best for you to have knowledge of the events that transpired before you made a lifetime commitment.
Sincerely,
Allora
((They are getting married Oct. 6))
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