the letter
I want to thank all of you for your support and responses to my last journal entry. Some have mentioned maybe dementia or mental illness? My mother is not experiencing dementia. We are assured by her doctors that she has all her faculties. She is however quite mentally ill. I am in the mental health field and I believe she is personality disordered. My guess, (since she refuses to be treated by a professional) is that she has borderline, narcissistic and histrionic personality disorders.
She was never treated because on the 3 occasions in her life that she went o counseling as soon as she was called on her behavior by a therapist she "quits" them as she says. This is what she does in her life. Through 2 marriages, she has not maintained a friendship ever and never got along with her siblings. With my brother & I there was abuse & so at 1 point she was court ordered to go to family therapy. The 2nd visit when the therapist told her she cannot treat children like that she never went back. Back in the day, in the fifties, child protective services were almost non-existent so she was able to discontinue services without repercussions. Then during her 2 visit stint with marraige counseling, she quit that too. Recently her doctor and visiting nurse thought she should have bereavement counseling. They arranged for a counselor to go to her home. The 1st session she told the counselor "don't tell me about stages, I've accepted Eddie's death. People are alive, then they die." The 2nd session my mother fired the therapist because she said to my mother, "You are doing amazing - you get up everyday, even in your grief and get dressed." My mother called me in a rage after the therapist left & said, "How dare she talk about my clothes?" I tried to explain what the therapist meant - that she is taking care of herself, structuring her day, etc & my mother said, "Of course I get dressed. I'm very clean and have nice clothes." I gave up. My mother ordered me to call & cancel the therapy which I did. This part is kinda funny cuz when I called the therapist to cancel her she said, "Your mother is a piece of work."
So the letter from my mother came. 4 pages of how I am a bad person and that she has never been anything but good to me, Eddie and his children and none of us appreciate anything. Then the phone calls started last night. Leaving messages,"don't even come Christmas, I don't want the 100.00!" Then , "you need to come & bring me presents, I am your mother!". Ken unplugged the phone after several messages. He won't even be in the same room with her anymore.
So after Christmas I will write back to her & simply say I don't have the emotional reserves now to deal with your chaos and therefore I will no longer be in your life. I feel guilty about it since I am a Christian and believe very strongly in respecting one's parents & the elderly, but right now its my sanity & survival. I probably will process some of this with my minister as this action is hard for me to do & still feel like a decent Christian. As a counselor myself I would tell a client going through this that this woman is toxic and to detach from her. My brother rarely sees her as she can be cruel to him as well, but focuses more on me. I need to treat myself as well as I do my clients and I would advise them not to allow themselves to be victimized by her.
Thanks again to all of for being here for me. It means a lot.
I wish you all a peaceful day. Love you all.
She was never treated because on the 3 occasions in her life that she went o counseling as soon as she was called on her behavior by a therapist she "quits" them as she says. This is what she does in her life. Through 2 marriages, she has not maintained a friendship ever and never got along with her siblings. With my brother & I there was abuse & so at 1 point she was court ordered to go to family therapy. The 2nd visit when the therapist told her she cannot treat children like that she never went back. Back in the day, in the fifties, child protective services were almost non-existent so she was able to discontinue services without repercussions. Then during her 2 visit stint with marraige counseling, she quit that too. Recently her doctor and visiting nurse thought she should have bereavement counseling. They arranged for a counselor to go to her home. The 1st session she told the counselor "don't tell me about stages, I've accepted Eddie's death. People are alive, then they die." The 2nd session my mother fired the therapist because she said to my mother, "You are doing amazing - you get up everyday, even in your grief and get dressed." My mother called me in a rage after the therapist left & said, "How dare she talk about my clothes?" I tried to explain what the therapist meant - that she is taking care of herself, structuring her day, etc & my mother said, "Of course I get dressed. I'm very clean and have nice clothes." I gave up. My mother ordered me to call & cancel the therapy which I did. This part is kinda funny cuz when I called the therapist to cancel her she said, "Your mother is a piece of work."
So the letter from my mother came. 4 pages of how I am a bad person and that she has never been anything but good to me, Eddie and his children and none of us appreciate anything. Then the phone calls started last night. Leaving messages,"don't even come Christmas, I don't want the 100.00!" Then , "you need to come & bring me presents, I am your mother!". Ken unplugged the phone after several messages. He won't even be in the same room with her anymore.
So after Christmas I will write back to her & simply say I don't have the emotional reserves now to deal with your chaos and therefore I will no longer be in your life. I feel guilty about it since I am a Christian and believe very strongly in respecting one's parents & the elderly, but right now its my sanity & survival. I probably will process some of this with my minister as this action is hard for me to do & still feel like a decent Christian. As a counselor myself I would tell a client going through this that this woman is toxic and to detach from her. My brother rarely sees her as she can be cruel to him as well, but focuses more on me. I need to treat myself as well as I do my clients and I would advise them not to allow themselves to be victimized by her.
Thanks again to all of for being here for me. It means a lot.
I wish you all a peaceful day. Love you all.
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