The law of attraction
It all started with pinterest. I have always been into meditation and assumed I would find my eureka moment at the foot hills of some misty mountain in Tibet. I could picture myself sitting there, listening to the wind blow, the birds calling and the ringing of the monastery bell. When I went to the Buddhist monasteries in China I was always dishearted to see the monks on their iphones swigging from bottles of coca cola.
I watched a film. The secret. It was a bit cheesy and came of as fake but I had always believed the concept. Ask the universe and you will receive. Whatever you want in life all you have to do is ask for it and you will receive it. Bad or good.
So my relationship was over and I could not be on my own. One day after the break up and I decide to start a pinterest board. I was going to ask for the girl of my dreams. I had enough of being in relationship where the girls put no effort in. They never appreciate me. Im so great at everything I do and these girls are crazy. Their loss. I am going to be with my perfect woman now and move on with my life.
I start gathering images of what I want from her. Perfect eyes, smile, hair, body. Her personality, caring, loving, trusting, friendship, family, faithful and sexual desires.
I was creating the perfect woman in my mind and then going to find her and get my life back on track.
Then this little voice said what about you? What are you bringing to this relationship? Why would this perfect woman want to be with you?
A good point. If i wanted this perfect woman to come into my life and going to have to send out signals of what a perfect boyfriend/lover/husband I would be.
So i started another board with my personality and what I had to offer but then the cracks started to appear. My boards were things I wanted to be or was going to be. Wealthy, successful and happy. I said to myself as soon as I get the right woman in my life then I will be able to achieve all these things. It was because I was always with crazy girls that I never did anything.
Then I look at the boards again. I have four boards and she has about twenty. Its all about her. I guess that is how it is supposed to be I thought to myself. I am her prince she is the princess It needs to be all about her. She needs to be special.
Then more cracks start to appear. Im looking at this perfect woman and she is very familiar to me. I have dated her. I have dated a few girls like her. Why did I let her slip away? They were perfect. They were funny, smart and beautiful. They fulfilled my sexual desires. They really liked me and obviously would do anything for me. What happened to them?
The cracks started to get deeper. I had never pursued these girls. I would always just let the dating fizzle away, I would get bored and uninterested. I would make up accuses why they were no good for me.
So who was I pursuing? I looked back at the girls I really did like. The girl who told me her mother was crazy and tried to kill her father? The girl who said she hated the world and wanted to kill herself? The girl who would drink bottles of whiskey with me? The girl who would take drugs with me?
A pattern started to emerge and the cracks were now turning into a very dark void. I held on to the edge with my finger tips. I was still in denial and could not let go.
I started looking into relationships with people with emotional problems and then thats when I saw the bright blue word that is Co-dependancy. I clicked on it like I would click on any other link. The page loaded and there was a picture of me with a sign saying idiot. My fingers slipped and I feel into oblivion.
One of life's cruel jokes. I had been in denial this whole time. I thought I was the perfect one. I thought I was the one that helped. I was a master of manipulation. I manipulated myself.
I now understand myself so much better than before. I feel I have been blessed with this knowledge. It is both very dark and very light at the same time. Life is taking a new perspective and I feel I can now work towards taking care of myself and rebuild a better life and hopefully in the future I will be able to be happy in healthy relationships.
I watched a film. The secret. It was a bit cheesy and came of as fake but I had always believed the concept. Ask the universe and you will receive. Whatever you want in life all you have to do is ask for it and you will receive it. Bad or good.
So my relationship was over and I could not be on my own. One day after the break up and I decide to start a pinterest board. I was going to ask for the girl of my dreams. I had enough of being in relationship where the girls put no effort in. They never appreciate me. Im so great at everything I do and these girls are crazy. Their loss. I am going to be with my perfect woman now and move on with my life.
I start gathering images of what I want from her. Perfect eyes, smile, hair, body. Her personality, caring, loving, trusting, friendship, family, faithful and sexual desires.
I was creating the perfect woman in my mind and then going to find her and get my life back on track.
Then this little voice said what about you? What are you bringing to this relationship? Why would this perfect woman want to be with you?
A good point. If i wanted this perfect woman to come into my life and going to have to send out signals of what a perfect boyfriend/lover/husband I would be.
So i started another board with my personality and what I had to offer but then the cracks started to appear. My boards were things I wanted to be or was going to be. Wealthy, successful and happy. I said to myself as soon as I get the right woman in my life then I will be able to achieve all these things. It was because I was always with crazy girls that I never did anything.
Then I look at the boards again. I have four boards and she has about twenty. Its all about her. I guess that is how it is supposed to be I thought to myself. I am her prince she is the princess It needs to be all about her. She needs to be special.
Then more cracks start to appear. Im looking at this perfect woman and she is very familiar to me. I have dated her. I have dated a few girls like her. Why did I let her slip away? They were perfect. They were funny, smart and beautiful. They fulfilled my sexual desires. They really liked me and obviously would do anything for me. What happened to them?
The cracks started to get deeper. I had never pursued these girls. I would always just let the dating fizzle away, I would get bored and uninterested. I would make up accuses why they were no good for me.
So who was I pursuing? I looked back at the girls I really did like. The girl who told me her mother was crazy and tried to kill her father? The girl who said she hated the world and wanted to kill herself? The girl who would drink bottles of whiskey with me? The girl who would take drugs with me?
A pattern started to emerge and the cracks were now turning into a very dark void. I held on to the edge with my finger tips. I was still in denial and could not let go.
I started looking into relationships with people with emotional problems and then thats when I saw the bright blue word that is Co-dependancy. I clicked on it like I would click on any other link. The page loaded and there was a picture of me with a sign saying idiot. My fingers slipped and I feel into oblivion.
One of life's cruel jokes. I had been in denial this whole time. I thought I was the perfect one. I thought I was the one that helped. I was a master of manipulation. I manipulated myself.
I now understand myself so much better than before. I feel I have been blessed with this knowledge. It is both very dark and very light at the same time. Life is taking a new perspective and I feel I can now work towards taking care of myself and rebuild a better life and hopefully in the future I will be able to be happy in healthy relationships.
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