The last week

527 days and 6 more to go.  I actually had 3 days without a migraine.  3 blessed days, but now I am sick to my stomach and hurting bad once again.
Being without a migraine for three days was oddly surreal on this last day.  As I drove to work, I wasn't quite sure where I was or why it was taking so long.  As the day went on, I was able to concentrate on my work, and endure it for longer, but I grew more and more depressed.  I could tell this was the last day.  I drove home and every thought could bring me to tears so I kept changing my thoughts.  I didn't want to waste my time on tears.
It is so rare that I have a completely clear head so I tried to concentrate on the appointment in 6 days and the useful information I could give so as to not waste time on gibberish, but a deep saddness kept welling up and I just didn't want to explore why.
6 more days.  I just have to take on 6 more.  Now my head hurts at a 7.  No guarantees in 6 days.  6 days is just the start.  I haven't even addressed the Graves disease.  Last night my legs hurt so horribly bad.  Right at the bone.  Jim put his arms around me and rested his hand on my thigh as he slept and his touch hurt so much.  I refused to removed his hand regardless.   I refused to accept that his loving touch is hurting me.  I just laid there in pain before I couldn't stand it anymore.  I never told him.  This isn't the first time that this has happened.
I dreamt again of car wrecks and crashes and making people cry.  I haven't been sleeping much at all.  The days and nights are one blurr of sadness.  I know that when i see the new doctor I am likely to cry and I don't want to.  I feel so desperate.  My sister asked if  I want someone to go with me.  I don't know if that will make it worse.  I don't like weakness in me.  I need to be stronger for longer.  Much longer.  People have been worse than me.  I can do this.  I can go the length.



Oh heart is breaking for you. I\'m wrapping you in a warm cyber hug.