The last 5 years

So in the last 5 years since I've been on, which have been up and down btw, we've had a house fire, lost my mother-in-law, and the wife left me for her old Jr high friend. She came back a few months later though. I found out in December that the three oldest kids have been smoking weed since last summer. Found out Monday that my oldest son may be doing meth or cocaine. He's 15 now. He and I got into a fight in December. He punched me and when I pinned him to the ground, I was getting yelled at by my wife for defending myself. She later told him that a man shouldn't do that to a child. I say bullshit. If he thinks he's man enough to do that then he's man enough to get knock the fuck out. My daughter, the second oldest, has stated to me that she hated her mom. She wants to go somewhere else. But not with her dad. She keeps asking if I'm going to divorce her mom so she can move with me. She's in trouble at school right now for telling a girl that's been bullying her, if the school got shot up, she hopes they get her first. This girl had threatened my family with a drive-by. Last summer, but the cops couldn't do anything about it. The third eldest has become a nightmare. He's destructive. He's been stealing and acting out. Came home to find him on top of the Fourth child getting ready to choke him. The fourth is only 10. The third is 12. Apparently Four was being annoying and talking crap to Three. Three said that Four was hitting him so he pinned him down.  This isn't the first time Three has acted this way. Three is also very manipulative. He is showing sociopathic traits. He is going to a counselor and seeing a psychiatrist. Four is on ADD medication. He's still suffering from surviving twin syndrome. He's a sweet kid, but gets frustrated easily. Doesn't want to be in sports. Still trying to convince him to play football this fall. Number 5 is something else. He's showing traits of all four of his siblings. He's wild. But he's funny. Has a very active imagination. But will test your patience any chance he gets. Four and Five are my biological children. They are also very affectionate. Will tell you they love you and will give you a hug and a kiss whenever they can. 

My wife... She's still pretty stubborn. Refuses to see a counselor. Says she'll be medicated like I was. I wasn't seeing a counselor, I was seeing a psychiatrist. Big difference. One listens, the other fills out a prescription and could care less about what you have to say. I fear to say that she is the reason the three older ones are acting the way they do. Three is the one who saw my wife and the other guy having sex. He's also the one who informed me of their affair. So needless to say, I think she has a lot of animosity towards him. But even as a baby, she's showed tons of disdain towards him. Apparently his father took advantage of her while she was drunk when Three was conceived. One has always been her favorite. Sad thing is, everyone knows it. She plays around with all five saying that she doesn't love them. Only Four and Five seem to care about her love though. She's only affectionate when she wants something. She stays in the bedroom all day unless she has to cook.  The house is a mess. Since she isn't actively on the kids, they aren't doing their chores. When it comes to disciplining the kids, she'll scream and tell at them and I have to punish them when I get home, when she punishes them, which isn't often, I'll just talk with them. I know she's not being honest with me about a lot of things. And she's getting the kids to keep things from me. I've already told them all that keeping things from me isn't going to help them out when I find out the truth. I also know that she isn't happy. I don't think that she really loves me either. I believe it's more convenient staying with me than leaving me. When she told me she was leaving, she said that she fell out of love with me after her mom passed away. But I know that the guy she left me for was putting shit in her head. She probably lied to him about me like she did when she cheated the first time.

I met another woman last year too. We had a lot of similar interests. Things started out slow, then I had a dream about her. I told her about the dream and she said she had a similar dream. Things started moving very fast after that. My wife knew I was talking to her. She told me that if I had an opportunity to sleep with her, I should. Even said that she could move in with us if things between her fiancee didn't work out. We talk from time to time, but never did anything more than that. Trust me, I really want to, but I'd stoop to my wife's level if I did that. I mean, I kinda stooped there by talking to the woman. But I told my wife that if a woman more beautiful than she would be interested in me, I'd think long and hard about it before cheating. She'd already said that if I cheat the woman better be hotter than her. My wife found this woman very attractive. But the woman didn't like the wife at the time. She got married in October, so she's no longer an option. We did talk about running off together in the future if things didn't work out with our SO's. But I'd feel better us both being divorced first. 

Found out last August that I suffer from high functioning depression. Still showing signs of attention deficit disorder. I'm learning on how to deal with ADD without meds. Hell I've had it for decades without meds, just learning on how to cope better.

My diet isn't going well. Can't kick the sodas. I am eating less though. Can't kick the cigarettes too. Tried vaping, but three stole my Vapes and sold them to his friends. They are now evidence in a case they are building on him.

Glad to say that I'm not watching as much porn as I used to. Got it down to once a month, usually when the wife's cycle starts. I'm proud of that accomplishment. 

I also started writing. I have three stories I've started. Though my active literary imagination isn't as good as it used to be. It all depends on my mood. When I'm feeling horny and sex deprived, I write on the still untitled novel. It's about a kid who falls in love with a girl, who's father is involved with the political elite and is using his own daughter as a way to further his political status by forcing her to sleep with sons of the elite. The boy doesn't yet know he is an elite yet, but will find out soon enough. But will it be to late? Will he ruin his opportunity? It's loosely based on my own personal  and sexual experiences and fantasies. When I'm depressed, I write on Back in The Day. It's based on true events around the time when my father passed away. Then moves 40 years in the future and back to the year of my father's death. Basically I spend 40 years building a time machine and going back to spend time with my father as a random stranger and telling him about my children and life. Eventually telling him on his deathbed that I am his son from the future. When I'm bored and have time on my hands, I write on Uncharted. It's pretty much a diary of a Commander of a sailing ship. Don't really know where it's going because it's flowing as I write.

There's a lot of other interesting things the in past years. This is all I could muster for the day.