The last 2 weeks,

It is Saturday, and it is once again cold outside.   The last 2 weeks have been interesting, if not difficult.  For the first time I have experienced burnout at work.  The staff that usually is there with me, has been working with me for only a few hours the last 2 weeks.  I need a buffer when things are stressful and he was not able to spend a lot of time where I am located at work.  Once again, a learning lesson for me.  I cannot do it all.  Will not be the person I used to be and save the world.  Too exhausting to think I can be everything to everybody.  It is not humanly possible.  So I have looked at my part in the burnout, the stress.  Found that the people I work with really do not need me in the kitchen where I work.  They are very capable without me being there.  What an awakening!!!!!!!!!!!!  I was asked every question possible when working directly along side of them.  Some questions which they in fact can answer themselves or ask someone else like a peer.  Seems when ever staff is there, they will ask the questions they know they can answer themselves.  Maybe it is a lack of confidence in  their own abilities or just needing attention, but I know I cannot, nor will I be able to be at many places or answer 6 questions all asked of me at once.  It is mentally exhausting.  I have shared that with the people that I work with, and now can relax because I am not there directly.  This forces the members to ask of each other what needs to be done.  I look at this as working as a team and relying on each other rather than staff.  Never thought I would get to a place at work where I wanted to leave.  Leaving would have not solved anything.  Whatever I do not face or deal with will rear its ugly head sooner or later, so it is best for me to look at my part in the stress and burnout.  What can I do to change my reactions or to make me a more effective helper.   This week I did not feel the confusion, the not being able to think straight.  Burnout is feeling powerless and helpless and not have control over the stress that is experienced.  Been there before the feeling of powerlessness.  Will not go there again because now i know I am not powerless.  I have felt that same powerlessness living in this household and even then had to look at what was going on, see if I could change it, and do so.  As a child there was no way out.  I had to accept what was happening to me, not say anything and take the abuse over an d over and over again.  I am not that child any longer.  I am an adult who is in charge of my own life, what I feel, what I react to, and also have the power to change that which is not working for me.  What a gift!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  To know I AM IN CHARGE OF MY LIFE. Glad I have my computer back because it was not working and a nice friend, Mike fixed it for me.  Did not have it for a week, and missed my being on the computer.  In that week I did a lot of reading.  Read a book on clients going to a therapist and working thru their issues, very interesting.  That book once again made me realize that only I have the power to look at me and make the changes to live my life fully.  No one else can do this for me.  I no longer am that victim I once was.  In fact feeling like a victim no longer feels good to me.  Never did feel good but I did not have the awareness I now   have. Today, I will draw and be creative.  That creative place is where I am most joyful.