The Journey into Night

I have feasted on the beauty of this world for almost six decades and have been blessed with the awareness that what I have already seen is more than many people are fortunate enough to see in their whole lives. And I am grateful.

I have stood on the beaches of California and Massachusetts and Florida and have gazed out to the endless sea and the infinite horizon. I have watched the sun melt into the landscape of a crisp Santa Fe night. I have been filled with peace and comfort as my eyes lifted up into the cottonwood trees in my yard in Amarillo and marveled at their graceful movement in the wind as leaves danced and flickered in the light. I have seen Paris from the Eiffel Tower and London from the top of the Shard. I've seen the warm ambient amber tones of the streets of Florence and Venice. I've taken in every moment of the Electrical Light Parade at Disneyland. I have watched my husband's hands as they touch me or reach for mine.

So what was the best thing I have ever seen? The most beautiful of all these things has been the ability to see my children's faces as they experienced happiness and excitement and wonder- the look of love that softened their faces as their eyes met mine. I've watched in awe as they concentrated on piano lessons or coloring a page or playing the guitar. I've watched their dance recitals, their golf tournaments, their baseball games, and wept as they walked down the aisle to marry the love of their life. 

I have seen it all.

I have loved every moment.

And now that I am faced with the news that I will most likely become blind at some undetermined time during the next few years, I fear that the coming darkness, the approaching night will take my visions of the things I have seen. I fear that I will forget their faces and all the places and things that I have loved. My experiences. My life.

I have always loved my pictures and have kept thousands of photographs to mark the passage of time. I always felt that regardless of what life took from me, as the years passed, I would always have my memories and the pictures to bring them back to me with clarity and nuance. 

And so it goes. 

What will I see? What will I capture in my mind's eye?

I am both defeated and defiant. 

And so begins my journey into darkness.

August 2016