The Journey
Hi everyone.
My laptop is not working so I am at the library or using my Blackberry to try & keep in touch. I haven't been able to write journals much anyway. Feel a sort of block. I think its largely due to Ed's angel day & birthday approaching; both in September. Josh & Christina, my grandchildren, have been having a hard time of late again so I told them its probably due to this time of year feeling Ed's loss more intensely. The weather even feels the same. It has been hot & sunny almost every day. On the day Ed left for Heaven it was hot & sunny...feels the same & I think its a trigger.
I wish this never happened to any of us. I still feel startled when I look at the headstone with Ed's birthdate & day of his passing under his name. I shake my head...how can it be? This wasn't supposed to happen to a seemingly healthy 37 year old. I still wish for the nightmare to be over but I know the reality. And I know that new moms will join us every day and I hurt for them too. Life can be so unfair.
I think of all of you often. I have come to love all your children through your sweet stories of who your kids are. Their personalities and what they did...what and who they loved. I prefer to think of all our kids that way. It is not their death that defines them..it is their life. And I am grateful for having Ed for all the years I did.
Thank you for listening and your support.
Love and peace, Linda
My laptop is not working so I am at the library or using my Blackberry to try & keep in touch. I haven't been able to write journals much anyway. Feel a sort of block. I think its largely due to Ed's angel day & birthday approaching; both in September. Josh & Christina, my grandchildren, have been having a hard time of late again so I told them its probably due to this time of year feeling Ed's loss more intensely. The weather even feels the same. It has been hot & sunny almost every day. On the day Ed left for Heaven it was hot & sunny...feels the same & I think its a trigger.
I wish this never happened to any of us. I still feel startled when I look at the headstone with Ed's birthdate & day of his passing under his name. I shake my head...how can it be? This wasn't supposed to happen to a seemingly healthy 37 year old. I still wish for the nightmare to be over but I know the reality. And I know that new moms will join us every day and I hurt for them too. Life can be so unfair.
I think of all of you often. I have come to love all your children through your sweet stories of who your kids are. Their personalities and what they did...what and who they loved. I prefer to think of all our kids that way. It is not their death that defines them..it is their life. And I am grateful for having Ed for all the years I did.
Thank you for listening and your support.
Love and peace, Linda
Replies
Dearest Linda, your words touch my heart so.I too feel \"that time of year\"when the weather turns warm in late April-early May as Mitch\'s Angel day is in May...amazing how Everything about that time brings us back to that day that will forever be etched into our minds and souls.
The connection we have not only with each other but with our precious children is one that most people don\'t share with those they know personally,right? I have also come to love all \"our kids\" and keep them in my heart.
I know this is an extremely difficult time approaching with Ed\'s Birthday and Angel day both in the same month.I will be holding you close in my heart during the upcoming days, Sweet Linda, and as always remember we are all here for you.
With Love and Gentle Hugs, Charlene, Mitchell\'s Mom
Yes this was not supposed to happen. The pain we all bear is nothing any mother should face.
Love to you and yours Linda, Terry
Sending condolences for your approaching anniversaries. So so sad. He\'s here with you still, I believe. He\'ll send you strength on those days. xx
It\'s a life stopping thing, or can be: losing a child. We are survivors and we carry their genes in our bodies. So long as we\'re living, their mommies we\'ll be.
Thinking about you and Ed\'s approaching angel day and I also feel the same way, that this should not have ever happened. I to makke visits to my both of my son\'s graves and my entire summer seems like one big depressing season begining in June and ending in August. I know that we are not alone and that one day we will be reunited. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Debbie
Loving care dear Linda... A one two heart punch with those two days so very close and no time to catch your breath. Deepest of sighs...
It does not matter how many years have passed nor how busy we may keep ourselves as in those pauses the harsh and sad reality trickles in at times and is a tsunami at others.
Please take the best care of that beautiful and loving heart of yours and know that you are among a village who understands...
Hugs for you and handsome Ed each and every day dear LInda.
Much love, Joanie
Thinking of you Linda, as I know the month approaching can be so difficult to deal with. You are right...Life can be so unfair and I, too wish this had never happened. Sending you hugs....Love, Kim
You have expressed here what many of us feel as the days turn into weeks, the weeks into months, the months into years and the years keep on rolling. I, too, find that confusion is one of the most powerful and lasting emotions that I have about Corrie\'s being killed by a drunk driver over three years ago. It just doesn\'t make any sense whatsoever and I\'m not sure my head will ever completely get wrapped around that devastating reality.
I am sorry it has been so hard on you of late ~ I think once Ed\'s angel-day and earth birth-day have passed and you have washed your hands of September for another year, you will find yourself able to stand once again and continue on this arduous trek we make step by painful step.
I know your grandkids bring you joy and I also know that you spread much joy to all around you and that will help.
Sending much love and tightest hugs of understanding and comfort ~ Debbie
So very true, Linda. We are all so injured and hurt, our kindness to one another is like bandages for our pains. You have been a big help to me and Jake, explaining more about the instant death our boys suffered. You are so blessed to have his kids nearby. I miss my grandkids all the time, love and thanks, Abby
\"It is not their death that defines them, it is their life\"........YES, YES, YES and Amen sister!!!!
I have the same feelings for January.....both the coming and going month for Kala..... Sometimes I think it\'s too hard to have both in one month, then sometimes I\'m glad to get it over with and be done for the rest of the year. Either way I\'m feeling at the time, it just plain sucks.
This morning I am shouting (quietly, because my husband is sleeping and I don\'t want to scare the bejeezus out of him, LOL!) ED! ED! ED! I honor your amazing son with loving thoughts of him and of YOU. I think one thing our kids are most proud of is how we LOVE each other and do our best to inspire and encourage and simply listen and share with each other. Moms taking care of moms, sharing our kids, and doing what we can to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Heck, I\'m proud of us too!!!!
Again I say, ED! ED! ED! ED! ED!.....You are loved and missed so very much!
That one two punch is a big one every year. Mine is a Dec, Jan punch. Thats a knock out. Sending you love to keep you going through the days. One day we will learn to punch back.
Hugs Penny
So good to hear from you...I have not been here as often...feeling a bit overwhelmed with things...I guess school starting up and all. It is always tough when those suttle reminders bring those memories...even something like hot and sunny. Love you sweet Linda and come whenever you can...
Dear Linda, oh the work of the heart. Yes, it is their lives and all the love, given and received, that made them who they are and forever will be. World without end! Eternally Eddie. :o)
xoxoxo Sarah