The Invisible Disability
I injured my lower spine and neck twenty-two years ago. I wasn't in a car accident. I wasn't in any kind of tramatic event at all. I was walking through a woodsy area, on my way to go canoeing, and bent to duck under a tree branch. Pow! I fell to the ground, because my legs went numb, and couldn't get back up. The pain radiating from mid-lumbar to lower spine was excruciating! Thank goodness I wasn't alone.
For the next two years, I tried everything the Drs suggested, trying to "get my life back" and get rid of the pain. I had every kind of therapy they could think of. I tried injections and mechanical devices to try to dull the pain. Nothing worked.
Finally, I agreed with a specialist who said I needed surgery. He assured me that, within three months of having this "procedure" done, I would be back at my job and doing the things I love. How naive I was! I found out, after the fact, that this particular Dr pumped 30 operations, just like the one he did on me, through the medical group he belonged to - every month! This man ruined 360 lives a year, doing what he called, " life restoring procedure". He had a less than 5% success rate. Oh, no one died....they just didn't get any better. As a matter of fact, they got worse. How could the medical community allow this? Well, they did allow it because, at the time ( and in truth to this day)..they were experimenting with new procedures for spinal injuries. They don't hide the fact that we're all lab rats...they even call it "Practicing Medicine."
Now, I want to be fair. The first procedure he did was on my neck. I donated my own blood and bone chips for the operation. Truthfully, the hip area where the bone was reaped from hurt worse than the cervical surgery. But, that was my choice, not to take cadavar bone. I'm still glad I went the way I did.
He did a wonderful job on that procedure.
Six months later, I went into the hospital for the lower spinal surgery. Biggest mistake of my life. I again dontaed my own blood and bone for the "fusion".
No one told me that he was going to use bolt cutters in the surgical suite and insert a rod with a barbed end into my spine. To make a long story short, I suffered with internal trama from that barb - which was plainly visible in any exray - for five years, before consulting another Dr and having the rods and screws removed.
When the first Dr explained what he was going to do, he assured me that the "rods and screws" he was going to use were perfectly safe and had restored a "normal" life to hundreds of his patients. He made sure I understood that I needed to follow his every instruction exactly. I did exactly that in the months after the surgery. As a matter of fact, I have copies of his records stating that ( and I quote), " The patient is working very hard to complete her therapy. I wish all my patients followed my instructions like this patients does."
When I questioned him about why things weren't progressing as he said they would, and why I was still in so much pain, his demeanor changed in a heartbeat and he told me, "Stop whining and being a baby." From that moment on, our Dr/patient relationship changed from agreeable to him being openly hostile.
When I went to see another Dr, for a second opinion, and the second Dr asked for copies of my post operative and preoperative slides, the first Dr called me and told me he "could no longer help me and I should find a DR who could." Then he proceeded to tell the Dr I was seeing at the time, that I was an "unco-operative patient". That's why I had the new Dr request copies of my files from him.
The damage done during surgery wasn't limited to the barb he didn't file off before putting it into my spine. He actually cracked a portion of my spinal column when he was Hammering the "screws" into it. I'd like to know how they get away with calling it "Rods and screws" when they don't screw in at all - they use a hammer and pound them into your spine! They are not "safe", nor are the meant to be left in a body indefinetely. They have cancer-causing metals in them. I have proof of that, which is kind of like closing the barn door after the horse gets out. The medical community has stopped using that particular rod. Thank goodnes.
Anyway, I fought and fought and finally had him removed from the medical group. I can't take full responsibility for that, though. They informed me that, " Due to the volume of actions being taken against Dr ______ , we must inform you that he is no longer associated with this medical group."
Big deal. he just moved two miles down the road and continued his practice as usual. I'd like to think that, at some point, the lawsuits became too much of a hassle for him; because he eventually stopped doing that "procedure" and now concentrates on an acceptable train of treatment.
Oh, by the way, the second Dr told me that I never really needed the lower lumbar surgery. It did more damage, rather than fix anything.
I am forever grateful for the neck work the first Dr did. I have almost full range of motion and little to no pain in it, depending on my sleeping position.
As for my lower spine? I have been under my current Dr's care for pain management for almost twenty-two years. I am never without pain, but I have grown used to it and try to enjoy the life I have. However, not only my quality of life was changed .. the length of it was as well. The structural damage and subseqent pain and nerve damage continue to get worse.
One day, after parking in a handicapped space, I was walking into a grocery store. The people behind me said, in a stage whisper so I could hear them, " Look at that! There's nothing wrong with her and she has the gall to use up a handicapped parking space! Where are police when you need them." I turned around and said, as calmly as I could muster, " Spend five minutes in this body with the pain I have 24/7 and then let me hear what you have to say."
It was that day that I started referring to my "disability" as The Invisible Disability.
It's true! Spinal injuries and the subsequent disability people have to deal with, can't be seen. So, it's become common practice for people to accuse us as faking. Or to tell us it's all in our heads. Everyone has an opinion, from professionals to our own family members and everyone between. And they're all wrong. But just don't try telling them that or you'll be labeled everything from a faker, to lazy, to crazy, and a whiner and worse.
Of course it's all in our heads!! It's your brain that preceives pain and how you feel it. It's that way with ALL pain. So, in a sense, ALL pain is "only in people's heads." That statement doesn't make the pain any less....or any less real. Whether it's a scraped knee or a cracked spinal column, pain is pain and it's very real.
It's as invible as the disability of back problems. It's something we have to deal with on top of the pain and the change in our lives.
For the next two years, I tried everything the Drs suggested, trying to "get my life back" and get rid of the pain. I had every kind of therapy they could think of. I tried injections and mechanical devices to try to dull the pain. Nothing worked.
Finally, I agreed with a specialist who said I needed surgery. He assured me that, within three months of having this "procedure" done, I would be back at my job and doing the things I love. How naive I was! I found out, after the fact, that this particular Dr pumped 30 operations, just like the one he did on me, through the medical group he belonged to - every month! This man ruined 360 lives a year, doing what he called, " life restoring procedure". He had a less than 5% success rate. Oh, no one died....they just didn't get any better. As a matter of fact, they got worse. How could the medical community allow this? Well, they did allow it because, at the time ( and in truth to this day)..they were experimenting with new procedures for spinal injuries. They don't hide the fact that we're all lab rats...they even call it "Practicing Medicine."
Now, I want to be fair. The first procedure he did was on my neck. I donated my own blood and bone chips for the operation. Truthfully, the hip area where the bone was reaped from hurt worse than the cervical surgery. But, that was my choice, not to take cadavar bone. I'm still glad I went the way I did.
He did a wonderful job on that procedure.
Six months later, I went into the hospital for the lower spinal surgery. Biggest mistake of my life. I again dontaed my own blood and bone for the "fusion".
No one told me that he was going to use bolt cutters in the surgical suite and insert a rod with a barbed end into my spine. To make a long story short, I suffered with internal trama from that barb - which was plainly visible in any exray - for five years, before consulting another Dr and having the rods and screws removed.
When the first Dr explained what he was going to do, he assured me that the "rods and screws" he was going to use were perfectly safe and had restored a "normal" life to hundreds of his patients. He made sure I understood that I needed to follow his every instruction exactly. I did exactly that in the months after the surgery. As a matter of fact, I have copies of his records stating that ( and I quote), " The patient is working very hard to complete her therapy. I wish all my patients followed my instructions like this patients does."
When I questioned him about why things weren't progressing as he said they would, and why I was still in so much pain, his demeanor changed in a heartbeat and he told me, "Stop whining and being a baby." From that moment on, our Dr/patient relationship changed from agreeable to him being openly hostile.
When I went to see another Dr, for a second opinion, and the second Dr asked for copies of my post operative and preoperative slides, the first Dr called me and told me he "could no longer help me and I should find a DR who could." Then he proceeded to tell the Dr I was seeing at the time, that I was an "unco-operative patient". That's why I had the new Dr request copies of my files from him.
The damage done during surgery wasn't limited to the barb he didn't file off before putting it into my spine. He actually cracked a portion of my spinal column when he was Hammering the "screws" into it. I'd like to know how they get away with calling it "Rods and screws" when they don't screw in at all - they use a hammer and pound them into your spine! They are not "safe", nor are the meant to be left in a body indefinetely. They have cancer-causing metals in them. I have proof of that, which is kind of like closing the barn door after the horse gets out. The medical community has stopped using that particular rod. Thank goodnes.
Anyway, I fought and fought and finally had him removed from the medical group. I can't take full responsibility for that, though. They informed me that, " Due to the volume of actions being taken against Dr ______ , we must inform you that he is no longer associated with this medical group."
Big deal. he just moved two miles down the road and continued his practice as usual. I'd like to think that, at some point, the lawsuits became too much of a hassle for him; because he eventually stopped doing that "procedure" and now concentrates on an acceptable train of treatment.
Oh, by the way, the second Dr told me that I never really needed the lower lumbar surgery. It did more damage, rather than fix anything.
I am forever grateful for the neck work the first Dr did. I have almost full range of motion and little to no pain in it, depending on my sleeping position.
As for my lower spine? I have been under my current Dr's care for pain management for almost twenty-two years. I am never without pain, but I have grown used to it and try to enjoy the life I have. However, not only my quality of life was changed .. the length of it was as well. The structural damage and subseqent pain and nerve damage continue to get worse.
One day, after parking in a handicapped space, I was walking into a grocery store. The people behind me said, in a stage whisper so I could hear them, " Look at that! There's nothing wrong with her and she has the gall to use up a handicapped parking space! Where are police when you need them." I turned around and said, as calmly as I could muster, " Spend five minutes in this body with the pain I have 24/7 and then let me hear what you have to say."
It was that day that I started referring to my "disability" as The Invisible Disability.
It's true! Spinal injuries and the subsequent disability people have to deal with, can't be seen. So, it's become common practice for people to accuse us as faking. Or to tell us it's all in our heads. Everyone has an opinion, from professionals to our own family members and everyone between. And they're all wrong. But just don't try telling them that or you'll be labeled everything from a faker, to lazy, to crazy, and a whiner and worse.
Of course it's all in our heads!! It's your brain that preceives pain and how you feel it. It's that way with ALL pain. So, in a sense, ALL pain is "only in people's heads." That statement doesn't make the pain any less....or any less real. Whether it's a scraped knee or a cracked spinal column, pain is pain and it's very real.
It's as invible as the disability of back problems. It's something we have to deal with on top of the pain and the change in our lives.
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