The Introduction To My Gay History:
My first girl crush was when I was seven, in first grade. I knew I had a crush on her because I thought she was beautiful and I wanted to do things that would make her happy. I didn't know it was wrong or anything, I was only seven, so it was natural.
In fourth grade I told this girl, Alice, I liked her and two other girls. Again, I didn't think it was "wrong", but even though it was a secret Alice told them anyway and she didn't come back to fifth grade. The worst part is, she seemed kind of weirded out when I said I had a crush on her, because we were the same gender.
Eventually I knew what being gay was and how my affections weren't "normal". I told myself I was straight as I was going into middle school.
Nothing gay really happened during my 6-8th years of grade school. One of my "friends" said she thought I was lesbian/bisexual behind my back (but only because I was crying over the fact that I hurt my friend's feelings--who is a girl that I actually didn't have a crush on).
Anyway, my parents decided to homeschool me for high school. I remember the day I realized I was bisexual. September 3rd 2013. I was walking and listening to music, thinking about random stuff, and I thought "holy crap, I like boys and girls". It was basically because of my first girl crush, my friend Alice, and this beautiful friend of mine in middle school (whom I told myself I wasn't gay crushing on even though I was). Ever since then, I've read/watched a lot of LGBT stuff because I was interested in that, not to mention I fantasize about dating girls.
I'm in the closet (absolutely no one knows). Since my family and I are Christians, it's sort of contradictory. Basically everyone in my family's homophobic. My mom is very homophobic and says mean things all the time about gay people. It sucks and it makes me sad, but the fact that I'll be with an amazing girlfriend one day makes me happier.
*I may be bisexual, but I have a preference for girls.
Thank you for reading this. Send me a message anytime.
Emily.
In fourth grade I told this girl, Alice, I liked her and two other girls. Again, I didn't think it was "wrong", but even though it was a secret Alice told them anyway and she didn't come back to fifth grade. The worst part is, she seemed kind of weirded out when I said I had a crush on her, because we were the same gender.
Eventually I knew what being gay was and how my affections weren't "normal". I told myself I was straight as I was going into middle school.
Nothing gay really happened during my 6-8th years of grade school. One of my "friends" said she thought I was lesbian/bisexual behind my back (but only because I was crying over the fact that I hurt my friend's feelings--who is a girl that I actually didn't have a crush on).
Anyway, my parents decided to homeschool me for high school. I remember the day I realized I was bisexual. September 3rd 2013. I was walking and listening to music, thinking about random stuff, and I thought "holy crap, I like boys and girls". It was basically because of my first girl crush, my friend Alice, and this beautiful friend of mine in middle school (whom I told myself I wasn't gay crushing on even though I was). Ever since then, I've read/watched a lot of LGBT stuff because I was interested in that, not to mention I fantasize about dating girls.
I'm in the closet (absolutely no one knows). Since my family and I are Christians, it's sort of contradictory. Basically everyone in my family's homophobic. My mom is very homophobic and says mean things all the time about gay people. It sucks and it makes me sad, but the fact that I'll be with an amazing girlfriend one day makes me happier.
*I may be bisexual, but I have a preference for girls.
Thank you for reading this. Send me a message anytime.
Emily.
Replies
It\'s really cool that you put all of this out there. I am bi-sexual or pans or whatever. Basically I like people for who they are, not what they are. I seem to have a preference for girls as well, but I am currently dating a guy. I am basically half-in and half-out of the closet, so I can relate.
I have told my parents and siblings, but no other family members. I have told my closest friends but that\'s it. It seems easier to keep it to myself because I can\'t handle all of the judgement that comes with it. And being bi or pans, it\'s like you\'re judged by both sides. People seem to think you\'re a player or a cheater or you just can\'t choose a side... or that you\'re just totally full of it and want attention. It drives me crazy. I have been attracted to both sexes since I was very young, I don\'t need to choose.
I\'m sorry your family feels that way. You never know, they may feel differently towards you since you\'re their own daughter... but it\'s hard to tell, you obviously know them best. Just wait until you\'re ready. Be proud of who you are, and never ashamed. Good luck girly :)