The Inperfect Storm

   I have disappeared from the world again, and I dont know how to get back?  Near the end of last year I decided to give myself the gift of "grief recovery" therapy.  I was nearing the 5 year mark and have felt so stuck that I realized I needed help.  As I began this very intensive therapy I got word that my dad, my last surviving parent, was severely ill.  After three months in the hospital he died on March 11th.  I refused all calls from friends and family and wouldn't even speak to his wife until a month later.  Once I did speak with her the reality that I was utterly and completely alone hit me with such tremendous force that I am still struggling to get back up.
   For the sake of full disclosure I must confess that as I was absorbing the news that my dad was gone a man who had come back into my life two years ago confessed to me that he wasn't actually legally separated and the guilt and shame was eating him alive, he would have no further contact with me.  So the one two punch was complete, I am on the mat, the end of the round bell rang weeks ago but still I can't get up.
   So how's that therapy working for me?  It helped me immensely with the loss of my husband but unless I continue to use the tools I learned with EACH subsequent loss in my life then I am doing myself a disservice.  It was also one of the most emotionally difficult experiences I have ever had, so just thinking about going through that again and again and again, well its too much right now.  I know what I need to do, I just don't know how to make myself do any of it????