The importance of a letter

   In 2 days i will walk into a testing center with many other students, as some of them will be looking to pass the exact same test as me. Others will be there for nursing, science or even composition. I do hope that each person gives their best effort, but this test is important to me on a level not many of them can relate too. It's been eigth years since i started my college education. I have dealt with a mediocre freshmen year where i slacked off like crazy, but found one rose in the cluster of weeds with the passing of my first math class after three attempts. That summer my life ironically took a turn for the better, as I spent a few weeks in the hospital then the rest of the summer in therapy repairing my body, my mind and learning the complications that this new spin on life would bring.

  The NEXT, and i still don't understand why i chose to do this, fall i was back taking on an english course at the community college. One course was all i could handle but i ended up passing it with a C. As i write this journal i actually am beginning to tear up imagining how hard and long this road has been for me and how close i am to ending my next chapter. Nonetheless, i kept at it and after two gaps, one for a year and a half (work took over) and the other for two years (academic suspension) i returned in 2016 with a different attitude. With my injury never letting up i faught on, after med changes and month after month of therapy I continued on and began to slowly improve my 1.5 gpa, semester by semester. 

  I now look at where i began and it still amazes me.  I began 8 years ago, with the dream of being a guitarist but how crazily did things change! I was an education major for a short time and have finally ended up at the major that i am currently on: Social Science A.A. Now I look towards the future with the goal of being a hiking based instructor for those with t.b.i depression adhd or any other mental disability, but currently have one big wall in my way. Eight years, i can't believe it. I now at 27 have in, 2 days, the chance to make all of this relentless therapy of both body and mind, the countless nights of lost sleep over math problems that i believe to be impossible to solve, to make it all be worth it. In 2 days i will be stepping into that room to take a test and after 8 YEARS of schooling, and 7 attempts at one subject (math) I hope to finally see either the letters of D or C on that computer and realize that i had done what i believed to be an impossibility.

I have been thinking about that day for so long now and I prayyy with all my might to see one of two letters appear on that electronic gradebook. All i need is a D or a C and I would have passed, this nightmare for the time being, will be behind me. I will then be able to smile when i think of that accident almost a decade ago. A day that didn't make me weaker but more stronger than i could ever imagine. Will i do it? I don't know, but what i do know is that I have come too far, worked too hard, and spent too much of my energy to give up now.