THE HOLIDAYS....ONCE AGAIN!
Like others, the holidays are hard for me....In years past--and including up to now, I have dwelt upon all the negative experiences with me and the Holidays. These usually varied from severe mood swings that ended in fights (either verbal or physical or both) between family members and the cops being called....I try to forget Thanksgiving from 2010 where I was the cause of the fight due to my attitude towards my husband and both of us getting bloodied and him with a broken nose on top of everything else. I had scratches on my face, one from the ear down the cheek to the edge of my mouth....However, the cops were not called (we both would have been charged with domestic abuse)....Instead, we agreed to leave the situation if we ever get that angry again.
We don't drink or do drugs, so that was not part of the issue whatsoever. So what is the issue??? MY ROTTEN ATTITUDE! The past 5 months I have been working on it through reading and working the 12 Steps of Emotions Anonymous (EA). For more information about EA, please follow one of the two links (sorry I don't remember which one it exactly is):
www.emotions-anonymous.org
www.ea.org
I've tried 12 steps before--including EA while in prison--and even SATP (Substance Abuse Treatment Program) also in prison down in Arkansas....Narcotics Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous and even Ala-Teen as part of my "treatment program" that involved others in my path in life....NA because, at the time, my choice of drug was marijuana....AA because I used to drink while being on medicines (I'm still on meds, but I've quit all substances)....AlaTeen because I grew up in an alcoholic family x2. Do you know how hard it is to try and work a 12 step program of any kind, when there's nothing but denial? IT'S IMPOSSIBLE! So, what is the difference between then and now? And why is this labeled as painful?
Let's start with the pain part: this is painful, because I am reliving the past; something that I need to work on, I know. What is different between then and now? I'M NOT TRYING TO CHANGE THE OTHER PEOPLE INVOLVED IN MY LIFE, I AM TRYING TO CHANGE MY ATTITUDE ABOUT MY CHILDHOOD--LET IT BE IN THE PAST--AND CHANGE MYSELF RATHER THAN OTHERS! THE last part of that sentence, I have found out, that it is so much easier to change self rather than others! We CAN do this by FORGIVING THOSE WHO HAVE HURT US IN THE PAST AND WILL POSSIBLY HURT US IN THE FUTURE...FORGIVENESS IS KEY: FOR TO TRULY FORGIVE OTHERS WE MUST FORGIVE OURSELVES FIRST!!!!!!
TODAY, FORGIVENESS STARTS WITH ME!
I hope everyone has a peaceful holiday season, by finding peace within their own lives, it IS possible!
We don't drink or do drugs, so that was not part of the issue whatsoever. So what is the issue??? MY ROTTEN ATTITUDE! The past 5 months I have been working on it through reading and working the 12 Steps of Emotions Anonymous (EA). For more information about EA, please follow one of the two links (sorry I don't remember which one it exactly is):
www.emotions-anonymous.org
www.ea.org
I've tried 12 steps before--including EA while in prison--and even SATP (Substance Abuse Treatment Program) also in prison down in Arkansas....Narcotics Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous and even Ala-Teen as part of my "treatment program" that involved others in my path in life....NA because, at the time, my choice of drug was marijuana....AA because I used to drink while being on medicines (I'm still on meds, but I've quit all substances)....AlaTeen because I grew up in an alcoholic family x2. Do you know how hard it is to try and work a 12 step program of any kind, when there's nothing but denial? IT'S IMPOSSIBLE! So, what is the difference between then and now? And why is this labeled as painful?
Let's start with the pain part: this is painful, because I am reliving the past; something that I need to work on, I know. What is different between then and now? I'M NOT TRYING TO CHANGE THE OTHER PEOPLE INVOLVED IN MY LIFE, I AM TRYING TO CHANGE MY ATTITUDE ABOUT MY CHILDHOOD--LET IT BE IN THE PAST--AND CHANGE MYSELF RATHER THAN OTHERS! THE last part of that sentence, I have found out, that it is so much easier to change self rather than others! We CAN do this by FORGIVING THOSE WHO HAVE HURT US IN THE PAST AND WILL POSSIBLY HURT US IN THE FUTURE...FORGIVENESS IS KEY: FOR TO TRULY FORGIVE OTHERS WE MUST FORGIVE OURSELVES FIRST!!!!!!
TODAY, FORGIVENESS STARTS WITH ME!
I hope everyone has a peaceful holiday season, by finding peace within their own lives, it IS possible!
Replies
I am so glad you are trying so hard to improve your life.Good for you ! Don\'t give up ! Keep taking it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute.. what ever it takes.Please keep going to your meetings.I hope you have a good Christmas.
Jon, I do hope that your health and situation have improved. Haven\'t heard from you in a long time.