The holidays are beating me up this year...
and I don't know why. I know the first Christmas I kinda went through the motions, still in shock I guess. We put up a few lights and did a tree more in Randy's memory than anything else. He loved the holidays so much and I felt lots of Joy during the holidays because of him.
Last year, the second one without Randy, I was in my "angry phase" and resented all the joy around me. If it wasnt' for my grandson I would not have had a tree. He stayed with me the week before Christmas and said Gram when are you gonna get a tree? So I knew I had to do something so we went and I let him pick out a tree, usually I had to inspect a few to make sure it was a great tree. Last year it was a tree that a 4 year old picked out and not too perfect but I didn't care. After a few days half the lights went out and I didn't care. The day after Christmas the tree came down.
This year I haven't decorated and am dreading the day when my grandson says Gram when are you gonna get a tree? I've been crying everyday since before Thanksgiving! I miss Randy sooo much. Everyone says it gets easier, when? Some days it's so hard and this time of year...need I say more.
For a while in the fall I felt a little lighter in spirit, I guess a little acceptance. For the last few weeks I feel so sad again...it's just that I miss my husband, I miss my friend, I miss my companion, I miss my football buddy and I miss the Joy at the holidays that I always felt with my Randy. Oh my honey, I miss you so much. I know you will always be with me and I will always feel you in my heart, but boy lots of days are still really hard.
Merry Christmas my love, your my Christmas Angel.
I love you,
Dawn
Last year, the second one without Randy, I was in my "angry phase" and resented all the joy around me. If it wasnt' for my grandson I would not have had a tree. He stayed with me the week before Christmas and said Gram when are you gonna get a tree? So I knew I had to do something so we went and I let him pick out a tree, usually I had to inspect a few to make sure it was a great tree. Last year it was a tree that a 4 year old picked out and not too perfect but I didn't care. After a few days half the lights went out and I didn't care. The day after Christmas the tree came down.
This year I haven't decorated and am dreading the day when my grandson says Gram when are you gonna get a tree? I've been crying everyday since before Thanksgiving! I miss Randy sooo much. Everyone says it gets easier, when? Some days it's so hard and this time of year...need I say more.
For a while in the fall I felt a little lighter in spirit, I guess a little acceptance. For the last few weeks I feel so sad again...it's just that I miss my husband, I miss my friend, I miss my companion, I miss my football buddy and I miss the Joy at the holidays that I always felt with my Randy. Oh my honey, I miss you so much. I know you will always be with me and I will always feel you in my heart, but boy lots of days are still really hard.
Merry Christmas my love, your my Christmas Angel.
I love you,
Dawn
Replies
just know that you are not alone in feeling the way you do i miss my wife sending you warm big big hugs.
Dawn, this is my third year without my husband too. It is hitting me almost as bad as before. I didn\'t get out a thing for fall, and haven\'t put up one thing so far for Christmas. I know that I should. Dick loved the house being decorated, loved the season so much.
I don\'t know when it becomes easier but it\'s sure not here - is it?
Take care, hugs,
Kathy