The Holidays

Well, Thanksgiving went better than I expected.  My In-laws came up to stay with us for the holiday.  My FIL knew about my H's affair but my MIL did not.  Thursday went really well with only the occasional moment of near crying by me.  I really missed seeing my family for Thanksgiving but my sisters had already told me that they did not want to see him for the holidays.  So we decided to not make the trip.  I also knew that it would be hard for my parents to spend time with me with him there also.  So hence - inlaws came to see us this year. Friday was a challenge though as I spent some time talking to my FIL about the affair.  He has had to deal with my MIL's drug issues and I wanted to know how he kept forgiving her.  My H was sitting with us and listening too.  My FIL informed us of how he dealt with that but also about the affair my MIL while H was a teenager.  It was an eye-opener for both of us.  We did not have a clue that had happened.  He told us of the betrayal he felt and how he still does not trust her.  I gained a new insight to my FIL that day and my H learned from the one man he trusts the most, how the betrayal hurts.  His dad told him how he felt then and still does.  He told him how it hurts the love, trust and marriage.  He told him that I may never get over the hurt or never trust him the same.  That I may never love him the same.  Until that, I don't think my H understood fully what he had done and how it affected me. My FIL informed my MIL about H's affair since H could not (would not - who knows).  We have always had our problems but she told me that H could not have a better wife than me and that she was grateful that I was staying with him for the kids.  I informed her that the kids did not have anything to do with the decision to stay with H.  I told her that I have options - new home (paid for already by my grandmother) and a business to run if I choose it.  I do not have to depend on him nor stay with him because of children, job or whatever.  I told her that I chose to stay because I loved him and no other reason.  Anything else was not a good enough reason to stay.  Children will survive with one parent in the house just fine.  She did not understand that until this happened.  She did not understand that I did not need her son for anything.  She does now. She told me how she was sad because she was constantly hurting my FIL and that he did not deserve to be treated that way.  She told me that she was wanting to change things with him and now with me since neither one of us has reason to stay.  I hope she will change for their sake.  I do feel that I can talk to my FIL about this now and know that he has felt the same way and will not judge me. As for my H and me... we feel closer now and I hope it stays that way.  He has had no contact with the OW nor have I.  I want it to stay that way.  She is out of our lives and we are trying to recover our life together.  Time will tell if we are successful but I think we are on the right course.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

It sounds like you all had a very enlightening Thanksgiving all around. It is great that you have the comfort level with your FIL to open up & share how you feel. I\'m glad that your husband was there to listen & allow himself to understand your pain more deeply. Wow, what a shocker for your husband to find out about his own mom having an affair when he was younger!!

I\'m glad the two of you seem to be growing closer. Keep going down that path.
slwaite
slwaite

Thanks! It was a real shocker. Blew him away.

I do have a nice relationship with my FIL. Always have but I also knew that my H had told him about the affair. I wanted to know how he got through her drug abuse issues and why he stayed when he told us about her affair. Really opened our eyes on that one. It also explained his behavior that I had noticed over the last 16 years. All I could say was \"that is how I feel\" to him when he told us of the hurt and feelings of betrayal.

I am glad that we are closer and I just hope that it continues. I hope that he does not ever hurt me this way again.