the holidays.......

it started last month ... when u see notice that x mas is comming soon last night i relized that its sooner then ever ... all i wanna do is cry thinking about it ... i dont mind , i love buying for people ... but when i get stuff i... i dunno ... i dont want any thing any one just to be alone this year maybe next year will be better ... up side is i work nights so i can just claim i was up all day and sleep all night so they leave me be ...  i liked christmas at one time but now i dont know ... last year i ended up in the x mas spirit from helping decorate work and i gotta come home for x mas ... since my depression was so bad at that time i was very home sick ...     can people just for get i even exsist for christmas please just once ... my x mas wish for the past two years is a brown x mas and to be alone