The Heat Is O-On!
I title this in a most amusing way, but I'm being very honest! Each new chapter that I'm reading brings on its specific challenges, which is truly a growing experience. However, there is such a thing as "growing pains"!
Chapter 7 - Speaking the Truth in Love. I think the two biggest things I got out of this one are: 1-begin by telling the truth to yourself, and 2-"your truth" (which I never liked because it sounded so relativistic) is how you are affected by things/how things affect you.
The first, begin by telling the truth to yourself, is a little different than just being honest with yourselft. To me, it's like articulating to yourself what the truth is. And this step is the beginning step of communicating the truth. If you can't articulate the truth to yourself, how can you convey it to anyone else?
The second, "your truth", was rather enlightening in that no one can argue with your truth. If something makes you feel sad, then it makes you feel sad. If you feel worried about your finances, then you feel worried about them. If someone's yelling makes you feel afraid, then it makes you feel afraid. These events that have happened/are happening don't change how you feel about them. You simply feel. Conversely, events affect others around you as well. For example, when you cry, it may make your husband feel helpless. You can't really say "he shouldn't feel that way". Crying just makes him feel helpless! The key is knowing that those are his feelings and it is his truth. In this case, detachment wouldn't be necessary, but it may be in other situations. (Again, funny how it all comes together!)
So, for me, I need to frame my issues in terms of "my truth" and consider the wisdom of speaking up about it. I say this because Karla Downing does point out that there are times to share & times not to share (such as when the other person is already angry, or if they are being completely irrational). And of course, there is a "way" to share--not out of vengence & not in anger, but gently & firmly. This is discretion, I believe.
So now that we're detaching, facing fears & speaking the truth in love, on to Chapter 8-Setting Boundaries! Oh my gosh, I've already read the chapter & here is where the rubber meets the road. So far, it seems it's a combination of facing the fear, speaking up, then detaching & facing your fear again! More on that later, of course. I still have to do the study guide & I suspect that it will be even more intense than the chapter was! The bright side is that, again, setting boundaries is all part of the natural progression of what I've been working on so far.
Chapter 7 - Speaking the Truth in Love. I think the two biggest things I got out of this one are: 1-begin by telling the truth to yourself, and 2-"your truth" (which I never liked because it sounded so relativistic) is how you are affected by things/how things affect you.
The first, begin by telling the truth to yourself, is a little different than just being honest with yourselft. To me, it's like articulating to yourself what the truth is. And this step is the beginning step of communicating the truth. If you can't articulate the truth to yourself, how can you convey it to anyone else?
The second, "your truth", was rather enlightening in that no one can argue with your truth. If something makes you feel sad, then it makes you feel sad. If you feel worried about your finances, then you feel worried about them. If someone's yelling makes you feel afraid, then it makes you feel afraid. These events that have happened/are happening don't change how you feel about them. You simply feel. Conversely, events affect others around you as well. For example, when you cry, it may make your husband feel helpless. You can't really say "he shouldn't feel that way". Crying just makes him feel helpless! The key is knowing that those are his feelings and it is his truth. In this case, detachment wouldn't be necessary, but it may be in other situations. (Again, funny how it all comes together!)
So, for me, I need to frame my issues in terms of "my truth" and consider the wisdom of speaking up about it. I say this because Karla Downing does point out that there are times to share & times not to share (such as when the other person is already angry, or if they are being completely irrational). And of course, there is a "way" to share--not out of vengence & not in anger, but gently & firmly. This is discretion, I believe.
So now that we're detaching, facing fears & speaking the truth in love, on to Chapter 8-Setting Boundaries! Oh my gosh, I've already read the chapter & here is where the rubber meets the road. So far, it seems it's a combination of facing the fear, speaking up, then detaching & facing your fear again! More on that later, of course. I still have to do the study guide & I suspect that it will be even more intense than the chapter was! The bright side is that, again, setting boundaries is all part of the natural progression of what I've been working on so far.
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