The Grip of Depression

Hey D.S. Fam! Hope everyone is doing as well as can be expected today. You know I'm so lazy and so isolated right now. I'm supposed to be at my goddaughter/niece's 23rd bday party for cake and I don't even have it in me to get ready and to participate and be around my god children, etc. It's awful. I don't wanna be around anyone these days. I turn down events all the time, left and right. I haven't been in isolation this bad in years but I'm just so  uncomfortable and angry with myself. I get easily irritated by things, I don't like people nasty attitudes and their fake bullshit another reason why I keep my distance from it. I'm a really real person and that's another reason why I don't like to be around people when I'm so depressed. I feel like I have to be a fake person and have to wear a mask like I'm happy and everything's  fine when I'm dying inside. But it makes me feel like a horrible person sometimes when I am missing the kids growing up and moments in their lives. It sucks but I do try to push myself to do things here and there but not very often rather just be left alone.