The grandparents.

WOW. i am continually amazed by the acceptance and and love put forth by my ex's parents. in the short time i have been in communication they have been more supportive than my own family!! Im also continually surprised what matt will go through to keep his lies going. I dont know him, i guess i never knew him, he is like dr jeykll mr hyde. even his mom says so. I know his mom loves him, but when she warns me to watch out for him, you know its been an on going thing. at least she will have good family out there. they seem so exited. they keep sending me baby clothes and blankets, and the grandpa even bought her a little doll. She will be here so soon. (then i wont have an excuse to eat all the junk food i been eating.)im full term in 2 weeks, and she is due in 4-6. so anytime now really. The granparents are trying to plan a trip up here, so that i dont have to travel so that they can meet her when she is so small. I told matt via text message the other day, that his parents would call him when the baby was born, and that i was done talking to him. a few weeks ago he asked if he could help with anything. i couldnt think of anything, so i said wait. after registering for baby shower and looking at things, breast pumps are expensive, for the good ones. i want to boob feed her for a while so i want a good one. i called him and told him if he wanted to help than he could get me one of those, or go with me to get one. his response? oh... i'll have to see.... i dont think im getting a tax return... yadda yadda yadda. at this point its a fucking yes or no answer. all military members get tax returns. he got 3000 last year. i know he will get something. not to mention the fact that he has over 3000 in savings according to him, and has had a decent paycheck for the past 8 months, where i have not. it just pissed me off, he complains at me about money like he has none. like he is so broke and cant afford anything. and its shit.i told him to nevermind, that i would get it myself. im tired of waiting on him to give me a straight answer. im so tired, and done. he acknowledged the baby is his, ONLY because i called him out. his navy command still doesnt know, and he hasnt made plans to be there for the birth, even though he tells his parents as such. I hope he is gone out to sea when she is born. then he comes back and i get back child support. I dont want him there now. I dont want him around me or her, at all right now. it just makes me sick. me and his mom talked about it. it means alot that she supports me, we havent even met. but the fact that his mother agrees with me makes me feel like my feelings are validated and real, and undoes alot of the crazy making he has done on my life. I look foreward to their phone calls and e mails, and i wish there was something i could do to repay their kindness to me, when they dont even know me. in a way it makes up for so much of what matt has done. I dont think matt will ever truly be a father to her, he will be someone who stops by and gives her candy and lets her make a mess of herself. and maybe toys at christmas. its the only way he will know how to win her affections. I hope to meet them soon. Even for legal matters, what if something happens to me? where will she go? matt could never take care of her, my mother? oh im sure she would want that, but um HELL NO. she messed me up enough. as it is i want her to have limited contact until i can be sure she will respect my wishes and clean her damn house. my step parents? they would probably have to be the ones in the will, between them and my best friend. and ither or is not the kind of person i want her to be raised as. i love them dearly, but when it comes to raising my daughter i want specific things for her. and i want her to know ME if anything ever happened. not someone's version of me. but now matts parents are in the picture, and i really want to get to know them before i make a decision. but its seeming though that if something happened, that they could provide the best life for her. she will be here so soon, its so strange to think that i will be holding a little baby soon, that is mine. look into her eyes. have her cuddle up against me. keep her tiny toes warm. Wrap her up in her soft little blankets... she better be a girl LOL. i had a dream that i had a boy and was completely heartbroken because i had already named her, and thought i had gotten to know HER in my belly a bit, and it turned out to be a boy. i just want my girl. thats all. i just want my little sweet girl. i hope she has green eyes like me. maybe more green. and oh, i really do need to stop eating so much junk food. ick. i hate it but i keep putting it in my mouth anyway. its like for everything i eat that is healthy, i have two candy bars. yuck.  lol.