The Good... The Bad.. and The Ugly.. LOL

I don't know exactly why it is... maybe it's just from the nature of His Bi-polar Disorder, I don't know... but sometimes it's like He's a TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSON when He suddenly begins to act so Sweet towards Me. When He acts the Way I've always wanted Him to behave from the beginning, I barely know how to react because I know His Darker Side all too well.Plus, I know how quickly His Darker Side can come out.... literally at a moment's notice sometimes. So lately, since He's been so Nice, and so Sweet towards Me, I feel like I'm in a different reality almost. It's very hard for Me to accept that it's truly Real, because I know that under that " Nice " surface somewhere lurks His Ugly Dark Side ! Of course, there is the distinct possibility that He uses His Bi-polar Disorder as a " Crutch ", or an " Excuse ", for His RAGE ! I think He does this often, since there have been many times that I've seen that He knows clearly what He's done... and that's it's WRONG - unlike when He's been in a True " Blackout " RAGE where He doesn't even realize what He's doing or saying, and later doesn't even remember it ! So I just don't know. It's very clear that He does have some sort of Personality Disorder, but to what exact extent, I don't know. I wish I did, but I'm not a Psychologist. Even IF I was, I think I'd have been a Psychology Professor to figure Him out ! LOL Living with My Bf is like living with More than One Person, because of His Moods.It's definitely NOT boring, that's for sure... since Every Morning there's no telling " WHO " You're going to be dealing with that Day ! Yet... Somehow I've been hanging on for dear Life, riding this Rollercoaster Ride.The UPS can be WONDERFUL ! I just WISH the DOWNS weren't SO TERRIBLE !!!!! He's never said that He's been diagnosed with Split Personality Disorder - and I think I even read a Psychology Report somewhere that read that a lot of Psychologists dispute that that Disorder even exists.... ( I think it exists ) - , but I wonder if He has that Disorder. I guess I'll never really know UNTIL... OR even IF... He gets the Help He needs.BUT... the KEY that I need to remember is that I MUST take care of MYSELF, and NOT allow Him to put My LIFE in Danger because of His RAGE ! I tell Myself this a LOT, and yet... time and again, He's still ended up hurting Me ! WHY do I let it continue ? I wish I could understand that. I feel almost ashamed that I haven't thrown Him out of My Life yet. I wish I could shut up the Voice of My Heart.... because it keeps telling Me to hang onto HOPE, and the ONE DAY things will be Better ! Well... a LOT of DAYS have come and gone... and STILL Things aren't really Better... in fact, in some Ways they're much Worse ! So What NOW ????? I don't know yet. I know in my Mind what I SHOULD DO, but My Heart wants OTHER THINGS ! So many times I wonder IF things would be EASIER if only I could say that I HATE HIM, since I know by all rights.... I'd have every right to say those words... AND YET... despite Everything, I still Love Him. WHY does LOVE have to be so Awkward sometimes  ????