The Gift of Real Love
Today's journal is dedicated to my husband Richard. I am truly grateful for him and want him to know how much I appreciate him.
I finally know what it is to be married to a man who loves me fat and fatter... I have to say in all gratefulness... Richard treated me like I was lovable and desirable even at almost 400 pounds...
I want to write a wee note here by the way... I have lost 150 pounds... but I'm hovering currently at the 250 mark... I'm making jokes nowdays telling Richard he's to recognize that he has a prize among women... a woman with a Shar Pei butt... (Shar Peis have all those wrinkles... and so does my backside...) but seriously I have to tell you that having gotten to nearly 400 pounds... 250... well... I still am socially unacceptable... but for myself... I'm thinking I'm a hottie.... LOL
I am a food addict. I've struggled with my weight and the whole world's disappointment/distaste for me as I am my whole life... I was married twice before... Both of my previous husbands were disappointed, ashamed, embarrassed by my size. I don’t blame them. They were simply living the expectations of our society. Fat people are not attractive. Fat people are fat because they won’t push away from the table. Fat people are lazy and they stink. Believe me I’ve heard them all.
I guess I got lucky this time… I’d say Richard likes fat women… but the truth is… Richard likes women... LOL I think Richard just wanted deep inside to be truly loved. I am glad we give each other that gift.
Richard like me is very short on confidence… although he is much better than I am at putting up the “front” so many of us wear… My heart aches for him… such a loving giving man... and yet so many times unappreciated... I can definitely identify.
In other news... I have jumped through many hoops... blood tests, brain scans, ultra sounds, Doppler stuff, carotid, heart, MRI and finally the neurologist... now on to physical therapy... in the meantime I continue to try to work on my own... I can raise my foot and leg to get into the car again without having to literally pick it up with my two hands... darn thing felt like it was full of molasses... LOL my fingers on my left hand are working better... mostly the thumb and first two... middle a bit sluggish... last two... well they're taking a bit longer nap... I am forcing them some... the tiredness and nausea that seem to plague me is not too bad at all. Wishing everyone a gentle weekend. Hugs Elissa
I finally know what it is to be married to a man who loves me fat and fatter... I have to say in all gratefulness... Richard treated me like I was lovable and desirable even at almost 400 pounds...
I want to write a wee note here by the way... I have lost 150 pounds... but I'm hovering currently at the 250 mark... I'm making jokes nowdays telling Richard he's to recognize that he has a prize among women... a woman with a Shar Pei butt... (Shar Peis have all those wrinkles... and so does my backside...) but seriously I have to tell you that having gotten to nearly 400 pounds... 250... well... I still am socially unacceptable... but for myself... I'm thinking I'm a hottie.... LOL
I am a food addict. I've struggled with my weight and the whole world's disappointment/distaste for me as I am my whole life... I was married twice before... Both of my previous husbands were disappointed, ashamed, embarrassed by my size. I don’t blame them. They were simply living the expectations of our society. Fat people are not attractive. Fat people are fat because they won’t push away from the table. Fat people are lazy and they stink. Believe me I’ve heard them all.
I guess I got lucky this time… I’d say Richard likes fat women… but the truth is… Richard likes women... LOL I think Richard just wanted deep inside to be truly loved. I am glad we give each other that gift.
Richard like me is very short on confidence… although he is much better than I am at putting up the “front” so many of us wear… My heart aches for him… such a loving giving man... and yet so many times unappreciated... I can definitely identify.
In other news... I have jumped through many hoops... blood tests, brain scans, ultra sounds, Doppler stuff, carotid, heart, MRI and finally the neurologist... now on to physical therapy... in the meantime I continue to try to work on my own... I can raise my foot and leg to get into the car again without having to literally pick it up with my two hands... darn thing felt like it was full of molasses... LOL my fingers on my left hand are working better... mostly the thumb and first two... middle a bit sluggish... last two... well they're taking a bit longer nap... I am forcing them some... the tiredness and nausea that seem to plague me is not too bad at all. Wishing everyone a gentle weekend. Hugs Elissa
Replies
I was just about to sign off when I saw your journal. I\'m glad I took the time to read it...it touched my heart. I think you just described unconditional love. Your Richard is a wonderful man.....and you my friend are a wonderful woman. I\'m so glad you 2 have found each other. You both deserve goodness!
So good to hear you are doing better. :)
Loving hugs to you & Richard
You are amazing Elissa! I am so glad you had the incentive to lose that weight, maybe it was Cara giving you the desire, who knows. I\'ve always thought fat people are the most friendliest and funny as hell. Great people, but always felt bad cuz I know how hard it is to stop an addiction of any kind. attend to have several addictions I need to overcome, quitting one addiction can change to another one that is ME..LOL
I am So glad you are feeling better, I talked to a woman the other day who has lost her 24 year old son less then a year ago, she went through the same surgery as you, she said she is in and out of the hospital all the time for dehydration along with other things it\'s not easy is it...Its nice to have a partner in life who love each other for who they are, its not easy to find these days.. Glad to hear from you like always!! XO, Kelly
Sounds like you and Richard were meant to be together, you seem so right for each other. Glad you have each other, and glad you are on your way to recovery. Sue xo
I am so happy to hear the love between you and Richard...you both are lucky to have found each other. I think you are perfect the way you are. I would have never guessed that you weighed 400 at one point. You look normal to me. Love, Connie
You are so blessed, to have a husband who can see through the weight and see the beauty you really are. I used to have one of those husbands, but he has been gone, for almost eight years. Sometimes you don\'t really know what you have, until it is gone. That, of course is another story...
BTY, I sent the hug before reading this journal, so I know now about your physical progress, so just ignore the health questions, lol.
I think it is so wonderful, the love between you and your Richard. Thanks, for acknowledging him in your journal.
PS...you are a \"Hottie\"....
((((HUGS))))....Julia
This is a special kind of love dear Elissa and how wonderful that the two of you have found it with one another. Some never experience this in a lifetime... I have a Richard too and he\'s a gentle soul as well. That is what I felt around your Richard when I met him at the retreat. Now, I don\'t know about your Richard, yet if you ever call mine the popular old time nickname you might still not be standing. LOL!
Thank you for sharing what touches you and many good wishes coming your way for your recovery.
Loving and healing care your way,
XO Joanie
How many at the retreat had the very good fortune to share a meal with you and Richard? Too bad it was just me who got to know the both of you and couldn\'t stop smiling!! You are definitely a genuine couple and I loved your sense of humor.
Keep on the mend, dear Elissa, and give Richard a hug from me! Good therapy!
Love you lots. Sharon
Elissa this journal is oozing with Love. Love for yourself and love for Richard and love for life and love for Cara. This was a pleasure to read. You are amazing.
Terry
Elisa, I feel such joy that you have a man you can really love and he loves you inside and outside. You have a Baby Girl dog that adores the two of you. You are content with who you are and you always keep me laughing.
Much love, my friend, and counselor,
Leda
Having met you both in Boston I agree you are meant for each other,,,third time is the charm...
Elissa, you are wonderful and perfect just as you are and clearly perfect for Richard and he, for you.
Glad to hear you are doing well and making progress. Much love to you and Cara, Linda
I love you. I love how real you are......what a fighter you are....and how sensitive to yourself and to others you are. I\'ve had the pleasure of meeting your wonderful husband.....in bed!!!!.....LOL!!!! Oh how the rumors will fly now!!!! I met a very sensitive, funny, and \"let\'s live life\" sortta guy. That was my take at least. I wish I\'d gotten to spend more time with the two of you in Boston...wish there\'d been more time for everyone. But I will always treasure those few times our paths crossed and will always hold a special place in my heart for your special guy.
Our world is so hung up on exterior things....it\'s sickening. I\'ve noticed MAJOR differences in how I was treated while shopping A. dressed nicely, hair and makeup done, VS. B. wearing old jeans and a worn out shirt straight from work. When I\'m \"dressed\" I\'m greeted by all the sales clerks....lots of offers for help; yet when I need to rush in somewhere after work looking like the dog\'s been playing with me outside in the blistering sun all day, well, I get \"the look\".....you know the one....\"what\'s she doing in this store...she doesn\'t look like she can afford anything in this store\"...or whatever the hell they\'re thinking. Reminds me of the PRETTY WOMAN shopping scene. Not that I could ever look THAT good! But it\'s the same premise.
My Tammy has battled major health issues her entire adult life....nearly losing her life about 26 years ago. Tammy was always \"fluffy\", but add major health issues, meds that caused great weight gain, not to mention years and years of steroids, well, she simply CAN\'T be thin. And why the hell should she have to??
Fat, thin, tall, short, black, Asian, or purple polka dotted......rich, poor......and let me go even one step further......felony convicted drug addict, or one who\'s never taken drugs......why can\'t we judge and be judged by our ACTIONS and not our circumstances or our appearances or our past mistakes. AND, I\'ll go even further than that......why must we be judged on our actions of the past when we were not thinking or living with a clear heart and mind....let me be judged TODAY for what I DO today.....Judge me tomorrow for what I do tomorrow.
WOW! Didn\'t mean to build a soap box, climb up, and start preaching!!
Bottom line....YOU are amazing. YOU are beautiful. YOU are worthy of love and kindness and compassion and understanding and all good things this side of life has to offer......why? Because that is what you give to others.
I love you my beautiful, funny friend. And I am proud to know you and proud to say I have a friend named Elissa....with a sweet sexy husband named Richard!!