The Giant Hiccup

I have not been this down in the dumps in many many many many years.  I am afraid to start taking anti-depressants, cause I did use Wellbutrin for a while and it took a long time to come off of them.  I have this huge gian hiccup in my chest.  It won't come out.  I have been stuffing it down for a long time now about a year.  Really stuffing.  The more I stuff the bigger the hiccup gets.  Yesterdeay I thought I would lose my mind.  I wrote about all that has happened in the past two years.  I received a beautiful email from a freind here at DS.  She suggested that I may want to get another dog.  I started to cry.  I have been crying on and off since.  It helps the hiccup.  Then the hiccup comes back.  I am so lonely.  I think losing Yoda has affected me much more than I realized it would have.  I have been on the internet every day looking at pound puppies.  I even called a local petshop keeper who I am friendly with and asked about fostering a dog.  He said there will be a rescue team at his shop on Saturday.  He suggested that I come in and take a look.  He would not know what kind of dogs, but most would be older.  They take the ones that are to be put to sleep first and try to find homes.  I do not know what to do.  All I know is that at night, I am walking around talking to myself.  Doing the night night check alone and talking to Yoda as if she is still here.  I am so sad and lonely.  I feel sorry for myself.  Boo hoo poor me.  I have no one.  I am a mess with a giant hiccup in my chest.  Ok a few more tears just came out.  I feel a little better.  I thought today was Saturday.  Its Friday, I am going to go out and have my hair done.  Maybe a mani/pedi. I miss my girl so much. I miss her more than anything in the world.  That little face.  She loved me no mattter what.  Fat or thin, she loved me.  She never said anything but lets go out for a walk.  Or lets have some chicken.  I can't eat chicken or go on nosy walks, or anxiety runs or garbage day inspection.  All gone. I should be over this by now.  Its been over a month and I was fine.  Now I have this giant hiccup and crying fits.  i walk and talk to other peoples' dogs and start to cry.  Folks must think I am nuts.  I feel like I am. maybe I will just pick myself up and run away.  I did that once before.  Go to California.  Or go to Florida for a little while.  that may be nice.  Maybe getting a new dog is not the answer.  I am confused with this giant hiccup in my chest. Ok this too shall pass.