The future....

OK, im here thinking about the future now... i want to go to college.  i need to go. i have to make a life for me and my baby. its so frustrating.... i cant work, not just cause of this pregnancy, but because if i work. then i make to much to qualify for assistance.  and i have to wait till the baby comes out, so i can apply for financial aid as a single mom, so im playing the waiting game, and i dont like it. i want to know when to do something, when i will start. ugh. and then there is the thing of what to do.... i want to do animal science or marine biology... then i could use my video skills and still maybe get to where i can do documentaries, i used to want to work for national geographic or the discovery channel, just filming things... that would be great. and this way i would have the science behind the filming.  then there is the thing of, well, i would LOVE to do that, but is it going to provide enough income and stability? i mean, the kid can travel with me once it is old enough, but im trying to make smart choices for a new career that is going to be around, and be easy to find a job. once im done with all this, i never want to go back to dealing cards or bartending, or any side job. i want what i choose to be enough.  then there is forensic science, and while i like science, i dont like the math... actually, i dont think i could make it through the math... so that is becoming more and more far fetched.  then there is psychology.... and i think there is always a demand for things like that... but im not sure if i can handle dealing with the system.. though i do think i would be a great counselor, and be able to help others, because i have had so many experiences myself.  I just want a life... and i dont know where to start, but i want to start now, but im just waiting.. playing the waiting game for answers. i dont like the idea of being dead broke for the next few years.... but what else can i do? the only way to have this funded, and to get enough in loans to do this is to be broke, cause working, i dont make enough to fund college, but i make to much to qualify for financial aid. and i want to work as little as possible, because i want to focus on the college and the work... i want to get it done as fast as possible.. and as efficient as possible. im ready to get on with my life... im ready to be OK. i want to be able to go on a vacation... take the kid with me... and not have to plan for a year or two to be able to afford it.  ive never been a big fan of buying a new car.. just because of depreciation and all the money lost in a car. but damnit, i could never afford one ither. and i want to be able to drive what i want to drive... whatever it is. i want to be comfortable. i want my horses, i want my ranch.  and i want to NEVER EVER, have to rely on a man again. i NEVER want to be hurt like this, because my only option was him or the street. next time, he can just get the hell out of my house... and i wont have a second thought.